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The Beauty Of Truth - by bruce potter


May 10th 2015 03:31
Three letters; one little word; one word that can carry enormous weight in a relationship. If you let the word let play a significant role in a domestic partnership, you could be letting yourself be exposed to unhappiness. Don’t let it.
A Gen-Y friend of mine recently said this “No husband worth his weight is going to let his wife leave the house dressed like that.” We were admiring a woman who was wearing a tight black dress to work, and she was quite stunning. I found it troubling that a 23 year-old would make a statement that was much more likely to come from his grandfather. I asked him about it and he wasn’t aware that the word “let” was potentially explosive. I also pointed out that if he were in the position to get involved with a woman in a long term relationship, he would very quickly realise that he should forget the word “let”.

A discussion was being had on radio recently about married men and their desire to keep up some of their pre-married habits. In almost all the cases where the married men contributed to the discussion, they would say their wives “let” them keep their motorcycle, or “let” them keep playing football, or “let” them have a weekend away with the boys.
I find this troubling, as surely it’s a domestic partnership with shared hopes, dreams, pleasures, pain. Why does one partner have to “let” the other do anything? And the further I looked into it, there wasn’t really a matter of her “letting” him do that or not – it was the way he perceived it. The woman was happy for him to pursue goals she didn’t have, as long as he kept up to his responsibilities in their partnership.
But guys will take on this very unhealthy view that they are kept men; that they have to seek permission to do this or that; that their wife is less a partner, and more a headmaster. Invariably the women don’t have a problem with their man staying up late to watch Liverpool play, as long as they can get up the next morning in time to help get the kids ready for school. But the guys will act like they can’t do anything without permission.

This is as much as anything, a generational thing. Baby boomer parents were taught that the woman was the head of the household, and whilst she was usually the housewife and didn’t earn a salary, she was in charge of the house and its inhabitants activities. Curiously, times and generations have changed, but men will insist of carrying on with this view of being harnessed.
In this generation where the wife works full-time just to pay for child-care, and the kids might see just as much of each of their parents on a regular week, the issuing of permission should be a non-issue because that wife/mother is so frickin tired she couldn’t be bothered arguing. If the husband/father wants to play football on the weekend, there’s no reason he can’t take the children to play football and then watch their Dad play, leaving the woman to rest.
It is definitely a gender specific thing also. With the exception of women who live in terribly backward societies like the Middle East, where some women can’t vote or drive a car, in the modern world it’s very rare for a man to have to “let” his wife/partner do anything. Usually when a woman considers an activity away from her partner, he will encourage it as all he wants is her happiness. The axiom of happy wife/happy life has currency. And also if his wife is playing netball once a week, it’s a few hours he gets to dominate the remote control, or to get in and erase his web browser history!
I did hear of a man who had a “deal” with his wife – if he was good boy and didn’t go out with his mates for a year, then he would be “allowed” to go to Vegas for a week with them. This is fundamentally unhealthy on so many levels. For starters – how about he goes out his mates and doesn’t get so drunk he can’t function at all on Saturday? Why is getting paralytic still a priority for a man in his thirties? Also, the darker side of this is that if you said to this man he could only have his Vegas week or he could have his wife/family life, which would he choose? This kind of man is not suited at all to being married.
The only instance I can remember of hearing the “let” word arise from a man, was a husband who was arguing with what his wife was wearing out to a Hens Night with the girls. And his argument wasn’t with the fact she was in the high heels and wonder bra and mini-skirt – it was the fact that she looked fabulous and hot, and she should wear that outfit out to dinner with him once in a while. Women only truly dressing up for nights out with other women – that’s a much longer discussion. Let’s have that at some other time.


Online Dating Confessions

May 25th 2010 02:04
Thought I'd share some of my adventures in the turgid melange that is online dating. Now that it is becoming more and more in vogue, and more a case of do you know anybody who hasn't tried it, here are some of my more curious experiences in cyber-dating.

The first date I went on was the most disasterous to date. My date had difficulties getting a photo posted, so after she approached me, she insisted we talk extensively on the phone.
This was a mistake, because we got along quite well, but phone chemistry is not real chemistry.

She described herself physically as being told she looked like Anastacia. This was quite promising, but when we met she was must closer to Zsa Zsa Gabor. She described her hair as reddy-blonde, which I figured would be a honey blonde. No, it was ashen white with blood red streaks. It looked rather like someone had been hacking into her scalp with a dagger.

She had an enormous amount of freckley cleavage on display, which may have been fine had we been meeting in a night club, but at 11am in a coffee shop it was a bit much. Don't get me wrong, I like that kind of thing as much as the next man, but it made things rather awkward when the waiter kept noticing.

The last physical feature to catch my eye was the fingernails. She listed her occupation as “artist”. When we met I asked her what sort of artist she was and she said “Nail Artist.”
The nails were a very deep red and at least 8 cm from the end of her finger tips. I couldn't believe how long they were, and then all I could think was “How do you wipe your arse with those?”

Six minutes into the date and I was staring at my phone hoping it would ring. This is where phone chemistry stops being real chemistry. We both realised the person we'd gotten to know over the phone wasn't sitting before us in the flesh.

It dragged on for another ten minutes, but the silence was getting thick enough to cut with a knife. She thankfully said that she wasn't sure what I was thinking, but she didn't think it was going to work out. I was elated, and agreed with good humour. We said goodbye and my first real blind date was over.

The next date was maybe not so disasterous as funny. She had a photo and she seemed attractive, but when we met I noticed she was a little larger then she was in her photo. To her credit she mentioned straight up that she was 25kg heavier than when the photo was taken. This didn't bother me that much, but 25kg when on her small frame was basically another half a person. But I persisted.

The second item for discussion took me completely by surprise.
“Do you trim downstairs?” she said. Now all I could think was, I wonder what she means? I only have a single storey house.
“Because I've got a full Brazilian!” was her more than joyous exclaim. Now this is all very well, but I had barely sat down and now this girl was telling me of how little hair she had in certain places.

The clincher was when I noticed that she had her tongue pierced. I asked her about it and she said it had revolutionised oral sex. They were her words. She said hadn't had a boyfriend in two years, but had been with a number of guys in that time and she'd had no complaints.

This again made things rather awkward. Okay so she's not been in a relationship, but she been a little active in some areas.

(And what sort of guy complains about such a thing anyway?)

But it was no good. I couldn't really bring myself to explore downstairs trimming and piercings with a girl I barely knew. I'm not saying I'm a prude, but it's about time and place and this wasn't it.

So two dates and two adventures into a world I barely knew.

More Female World Leaders 3

March 31st 2010 12:16
The Agony and the Apathy

Okay, I'll get myself away from this topic soon I swear, and back to the really important stuff like what's the deal with online dating?

But for now, let's tackle the larger issue.

More women in power and sooner, but when? Is Julia Gillard going to be the first Australian female prime minister? Why not? She's certainly closer than anybody in government, and certainly closer than anybody from the opposition.

I have a certain awkwardness with her cadence and diction. She always seems to be speaking like she's addressing a fourth grade class. Now - - - then - - - I'm - - - the ---- Deputy - - - Prime - - - - Minister - - - - so - - - - sit - - - - down - - - and - - - - pay - - - - attention.
But from most angles she seems to be well informed and moderate and an entirely safe bet. It would be good if people could stop commenting on her hair. Naturally, nobody comments on Kevin Rudd's hair. And her outfits seem to get a good deal of attention. But nobody ever comments on Rudd's suits. That is the world she's entered and she seems to be coping fairly well.

Those comments about her appearance seem to come mostly from other women. And this relates to my earlier point. If women are going to succeed in business and politics, women have to judge them for what they stand for, not for what they wear.

When Hilary Clinton made her presidential run, there was far more commentary about her pants suits, then her policy on the middle east.

As for the scariest woman to ever enter public life – Sarah Palin, so many people commented on how attractive she was, before they noticed that her policies rendered her not unlike the daughter of satan.

Women are by and large, far more humanitarian and far more considerate then men. They are far more in touch with themselves and others emotionally. This, for me, makes them far more attractive a proposition as political leaders. I doubt very much if Condaleeza Rice had have been US President she would have been so willing to rush headlong into wars without end. She would never have said such great Bushisms as “Wanted: Dead or Alive,” or “The Axis Of Evil.”

It is probably only Margret Thatcher who is a female leader of recent times to lead her nation into war, in the Falkland Islands.

It is troubling to note that in researching this post, women have mostly agreed with my view, but are resigned to the situation being beyond repair. Or they have just been plain uninterested. As usual apathy is the status quo's greatest ally.

So for the future of world peace how about more women get involved in politics? For is there is to be a future, it is to be with some greater measure of world peace than we currently abide.


More Female World Leaders 2

March 30th 2010 12:11
Women earn 79c for every dollar a man earns. This is the bald reality that faces women the world over and it's wrong. But what can be done about it? How does it relate to more female world leaders? Allow me throw some new light through old windows.

If there is one sure way to achieve real equality in the workplace, it is for women to not just get close to the decision making process, but to become it. If there was a female President in every one of the 192 member nations of the UN, then there would be probably be wage equality in the workplace. Easier said than done

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More Female World Leaders

March 18th 2010 00:53
I have no doubts that if it were President Georgina Bush, Prime Minister Antonia Blair
and Prime Minister Janette Howard, then we wouldn't be immersed in this fool's errand of wars that will never end in Iraq and Afghanistan. It's clear that women are far better at conflict resolution than men. I just think there may be a couple of coldish wars going on.

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Tiger starts the year at 15 over!

January 20th 2010 03:45
Okay, so I was going to let this one pass and leave it to the hundreds of thousands of columns all ready written about the world's number 1 golfer, but I couldn't.
Tiger Woods could be described as, in my neighbourhood, a mad rooter. In Essex he's a Mad Shagger; In Santa Monica he's a Confirmed Sex Addict.
As such, why on earth would such a man get married? What's the point? If he's that much into sex, why settle for the one partner

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Terribly sorry but I've still got a faint taste of vomit in my mouth after reading yet more about how dreamy Robert Pattinson is.
I was speaking to a generation Y work colleague of mine recently and he was bemoaning the idea of having to listen to his girlfriend coo over Robert Pattinson again. He was noting that she overheard him saying something about how hot Megan Fox was, and now she's repaying him tenfold by constantly reminding him of how gorgeous she finds Robert Pattinson.
(FYI - he said New Moon sucked; which was my suspicion. If ever a film is embargoed from being reviewed before it's release date, it sucks. It's called a bump and run strategy, which they've updated to include the multiple midnight screenings nonsense. I didn't think much of Twilight, and wasn't going to bother with New Moon. True Blood is the vampire story for grown-ups

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Shouldn't Women do the Proposing?

October 12th 2009 13:32
Women! Propose to your men now!
Awake? Hopefully you are now. Marriage proposals are traditionally the man's area of concern, yet in practically every case I can remember they are hinted at, nudged toward, even prompted by women. As with most every tradition I encounter, they are a crock of shit and only persisted with because of some ridiculous idea that we all realise they're a crock, but we put up with them because that is the way it's always been done.
Maybe you're awake now

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Greg Inglis and the Arresting Love

August 21st 2009 12:16
I'm having another moment of wondering if I woke up in some weird dimension where the rules of common diplomacy are non-existent and moral compasses are smashed, their needles dangling like hanged men.

Greg Inglis joins the conga-line of professional sportsmen who have been charged rightly or wrongly with having done something awful to a woman

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I hate supermarkets. I understand they are a necessary evil, and I do feel sorry for supermarket staff for the soulcrushing task it must be to have to work there, and also for the atrocious manner in which their customers behave. But if I could live this and the next life over and never visit a supermarket again, it would be too soon.
Couples should never go to the supermarket together. A life shared is hard enough in modern times, but taking on the task of doing the regular weekly shop and avoiding the myriad opportunities for conflict is too much to ask.
The aisles may be wider then ever, but they’re littered with the detritus and fallout from many “happy” couples shopping adventures

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