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The Beauty Of Truth - by bruce potter


July 21st 2015 06:39
Some years ago I heard myself say “I love you” to a woman. I say heard myself, because I had no idea I had said it until it was said. I had no idea I was going to say it but obviously I was feeling it as I wouldn’t have said it otherwise. That was love and it was me in love. I realised some time later that I was in a state of being in love. It passed and then love became a choice.
I believe that life’s great mystery of love can be qualified as being a state followed by a choice. We aren’t made to stay in love. We aren’t made to be in love for long periods. We can control who we choose to be with, and as such life’s battles can be halved, and life’s joys can be shared.

Being is love is a wonderful glorious thing. You act foolish, you do dumb things, you behave oddly, and you find yourself smiling a lot. This is a fabulous life affirming time for you and hopefully for your partner.
This is a very bad time to make life altering decisions. You shouldn’t decide to marry a person when you’re in love. You decide to marry somebody after you’ve lived with them for at least two years. Once the honeymoon period has passed, you’ll find your time together is more doing the laundry than watching the sunset at the beach with chardonnay and strawberries. If at that time you love that person and they love you, then choose them as a life partner.
And here is where the rubber meets the road for you and your partner. Is he/she your best friend? If the answer is hesitation, then you need to hesitate.
One of the reasons we “fall” in love is because it’s time limited. The process of falling is by its nature time specific. If you’re falling from a plane eventually you’ll need to pull the rip-cord. Similarly you fall in love and land in bliss, but you do land, and sometimes it’s not blissful.

The woman I told I loved kicked me out of her life a year later. I was suitably devastated, but that feeling passed and soon I was in another relationship. If you had have told me that around the time I professed my love for her, I would have laughed in your face. But some aspects of our time together told me that she wasn’t my best friend.
The point is that I was in love; love became a choice and it wasn’t a choice she could live with. I’m glad she decided for us, as I was young and foolhardy.
Some people say the honeymoon never ends; that’s wonderful and believe it and live it, but for most of us that is a stretch. Besides, if the honeymoon never ended, they wouldn’t have a name for it – it would just be life together as you know it.
Having a partner who is most things to you is what you should pursue. Being best friends doesn’t mean you have to find somebody who is a mirror image of you. They needn’t have all the same interests as you, but you’ll need some common ground. If they aren’t into all of the stuff you’re into, that’s okay – have time away from each other and a tolerance for their time. Try not to control how they live, but be a positive influence.

So seek out love with all your heart; love like you’ve never been dumped before. When you choose to love, make an effort for sunset and strawberries. But know that unless you become best friends – soulmates – you’re living a lie.


July 15th 2015 07:02
You’ll be having a fine day with your fine lady with a fine outlook when you notice that she hasn’t spoken for some ten minutes. When you ask innocently “Is everything okay?” if she says “I’m fine!” - rest assured your outlook is about to get gloomy.
By some miracle of the relationship zeitgeist, “fine” has become a word that carries enormous gravity. What is a relatively harmless, plain, even lazy word, has turned into a trigger point for the next edition of what can be viewed as notsomuch war – as intense negotiation.
The prevailing view is that if your wife/girlfriend/partner says she’s fine, she most definitely is not.
If you’ve been to dinner with her family and she’s quiet on the way home; if she replies “I’m fine” it actually means “Why the hell did you mention moving away to her mother/sister/brother? When you’ve both agreed that it’s just a thought?”
If you’re at a work party and she says afterwards “she’s fine” it actually means “What made you think I was enjoying the party? When I look at you and nod – that means it’s time to go! Not have another beer and watch me struggle through the most boring conversation I’ve ever had with your creepy boss.” That’s the gravity that fine carries.
The word nice has a similar adjacency. If you cook a meal for your partner and she says it was “nice”, that means it was “rubbish and why the hell aren’t you doing the potatoes like I taught you? But I’m too tired to complain, so thank you for the nice meal.”
Nice and fine are two of the lazier moribund words on call for the modern woman. When she is listening to one of her friends talk about something passionately, the words nice and fine will never come up.
As in, “You know that guy at the gym – the one who looks so much like Ryan Gosling – well he started chatting to me on the stair-master! I saw him doing crunches and his abs looked, they looked … so nice!”
You’re in the early stages of a relationship, and the man decides he will go to the very neighbourhood that he finds most foreign. He heads below the equator to show that not only is he concentrating on her pleasure, he is confident in a Neil Armstrong kind of way. He’s prepared to take the risk, but he’s really not sure of the outcome.
After what feels like for him, at least a month, but is actually four minutes, he makes the mistake of asking how it felt? If she says “It was fine” he knows he has a terrible amount more work to do, and whole lot of technique issues to address.
Asking “how was that?” is not a mistake on the man’s part, but asking straight after four minutes of licking the alphabet when all she feels is cleaner - is.
A tip for both parties here – communicate. Many women find it difficult to communicate what they want sexually, and just as many men find it difficult to figure out. So please just discuss it – give the guy a tiny roadmap to pleasure, he’ll appreciate it and hopefully so will you.
But rest assured if you’ve got your technique issues covered, and you’ve been patient and caring, and she’s found what you’re doing absolutely pleasurable, she won’t be saying it was “fine.” In fact if she uses words at all, anything less than “heavenly” is unacceptable. If she moans “Oh Ryan…” then you’ve discovered nirvana. Which is most fine.


July 5th 2015 03:17
If you put Neil DeGrasse Tyson and other of the world’s great astro physicists in a room for 3 days they still couldn’t quantify or qualify why women hold shoes so close to their self-esteem and its apparent value. That being said, if a lovely pair of shoes makes a woman smile, then more of it, because we need more joy in the modern world, not less.
But know this – no man anywhere in any circumstance is judging a woman less or more based on her choice of footwear. Indeed, like so many of the differences between the sexes, a woman that hides her shoe currency - as in she gives the impression that shoes really aren’t a big deal to her - to many men that is a virtue.
Personally I couldn’t imagine admiring Tina Fey or Olivia Munn or Charlize Theron any more or less because the shoes they were wearing didn’t go with the rest of the outfit. Tina could present herself to me with no footwear at all and insist that she go barefoot everywhere, and I would still view her as a funny, intelligent, beautiful woman. But enough with alternate reality indulgences.
Some time ago I was chatting to a work colleague and she was anxious about trying to catch the eye of another of our work colleagues. This was a revelation to me, as she was a very attractive girl and he was, to use a phrase, not really in her league, but a perfectly decent guy.
I decided to do a bit of cupid work and arranged for them to be at the same place for an after work social gathering and informed said guy that he might buy her a drink as this offer might be welcomed warmly. He did and they hit it off. He then asked her to dinner and she accepted, so the plan was in motion.
She then thanked me for a small gesture and asked a question I didn’t expect, “What shoes should I wear?” I politely pointed out that she needn’t worry too much, as he probably wouldn’t notice.
She nonetheless went shopping for shoes and put together a stunning outfit which was sure to be a success.
They had the date and I was in an odd situation of being a counsel to each party in the aftermath.
Both said it was a great night and both were very keen to pursue a relationship. They had one of those very romantic situations where they didn’t want to say goodnight, but he/her didn’t want to move things too quickly, so they walked for a few hours around the harbour and chatted and eventually kissed and then said goodnight.
That was mostly his take on the night’s events; her take was that it was a lovely night and he was very nice and she was looking forward to seeing him again, but… She really wished he had have noticed that the shoes she paid $370 for were not suited to walking, and that he might have noticed them in the first place. Apparently they walked for ninety minutes and for the last thirty minutes she was carrying her shoes.
In the week after the date she showed me the damage the shoes and the long walk had caused to her feet – her heels looked like they’d been machettied, the blisters were so bad. She had blisters on her toes where they’d been crushed against the shoe lining.
I once worked an eighteen-hour day on a boxing event in a new pair of work boots which I had paid $60 for, and came home with what I thought were the sorest feet I’ve ever had and had blisters on both heels for a couple of days. The damage to my feet from 18 hours of being on my feet was about ten per cent as bad as this girls poor feet after an hour of walking in $370 high-heeled pumps.
They went out a few more times, and then she got a chance to work interstate and she moved and I don’t think they saw too much of each other after that.
Now, why they did/didn’t live happily ever after is not known. But I genuinely hope it wasn’t because of the first date shoe disaster. I genuinely hope she didn’t devalue his chances based on his lack of knowledge of shoes and their suitability for walking.
But more to the point – how on earth can you spend $370 on a pair of shoes that do that to your feet?!?!
And here’s the rub – that is a question that comes from a man. And as such, and I’m fairly sure most men would agree, no man is buying/wearing shoes that aren’t comfortable. My boots were comfortable when I purchased them and did wear-in after a few weeks in two pairs of socks.
But they were work boots. They were purchased for work purposes. I have occasionally bought dress shoes for weddings etc. but comfort was always the deal breaker.
Most women I’ve known have a shoe currency measurement of around 1:1 for days of the month. As in, they own enough shoes to wear a different pair each day for a full month. My shoe currency is around 1:3 by the same meter, as by the eleventh day I’m out of shoes. Some guys I’ve known would have 1:8, as in they own four pairs of shoes, but they generally wear thongs or flip-flops every day they’re not working anyway.
I wouldn’t dare to cast judgement on the stark difference in these ratios. As I said, if shoes make you happy, more power to you.
But know this: if a guy doesn’t notice your shoes or how suitable they are for walking, it shouldn’t in any way diminish his currency to you as a potential life partner. And if you meet a guy who does notice your Manolo Blahniks, the first thought you will have is that he is into potential life partners from the same sex.
It falls under the extremely broad umbrella of stuff that guys should know but don’t, because nobody told us. And we don’t spend a lot of time growing and maturing - or not - as adults learning this kind of stuff. This is a failing for sure – but then again – they’re just shoes!

The Pre-Baby Body?

June 8th 2015 05:13
The latest victim of the Bullying Industry that is the Beauty Industry is new mothers. This is troubling on so many levels. But the first thought has to be – stop listening to anybody who says anything critical about your body after you’ve done the absolute altruistic act of your womanhood – provided human life. Not only have new mothers earned the right to be happy in their skin – they deserve it.
As usual with these matters – it’s a crossover of the fame industry with the Ugly Industry. The magazines start running the “Look how good Kim/Princess/Giselle looks just 6 weeks after giving birth!” – then it merges with the Ugly industry for the “how to get your pre-baby body back”, then it becomes “12 steps to get the body back your baby took from you.” And the frightening thing is the majority of these stories are written by women

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May 10th 2015 03:31
Three letters; one little word; one word that can carry enormous weight in a relationship. If you let the word let play a significant role in a domestic partnership, you could be letting yourself be exposed to unhappiness. Don’t let it.
A Gen-Y friend of mine recently said this “No husband worth his weight is going to let his wife leave the house dressed like that.” We were admiring a woman who was wearing a tight black dress to work, and she was quite stunning. I found it troubling that a 23 year-old would make a statement that was much more likely to come from his grandfather. I asked him about it and he wasn’t aware that the word “let” was potentially explosive. I also pointed out that if he were in the position to get involved with a woman in a long term relationship, he would very quickly realise that he should forget the word “let

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Online Dating Confessions

May 25th 2010 02:04
Thought I'd share some of my adventures in the turgid melange that is online dating. Now that it is becoming more and more in vogue, and more a case of do you know anybody who hasn't tried it, here are some of my more curious experiences in cyber-dating.

The first date I went on was the most disasterous to date. My date had difficulties getting a photo posted, so after she approached me, she insisted we talk extensively on the phone

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More Female World Leaders 3

March 31st 2010 12:16
The Agony and the Apathy

Okay, I'll get myself away from this topic soon I swear, and back to the really important stuff like what's the deal with online dating

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More Female World Leaders 2

March 30th 2010 12:11
Women earn 79c for every dollar a man earns. This is the bald reality that faces women the world over and it's wrong. But what can be done about it? How does it relate to more female world leaders? Allow me throw some new light through old windows.

If there is one sure way to achieve real equality in the workplace, it is for women to not just get close to the decision making process, but to become it. If there was a female President in every one of the 192 member nations of the UN, then there would be probably be wage equality in the workplace. Easier said than done

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More Female World Leaders

March 18th 2010 00:53
I have no doubts that if it were President Georgina Bush, Prime Minister Antonia Blair
and Prime Minister Janette Howard, then we wouldn't be immersed in this fool's errand of wars that will never end in Iraq and Afghanistan. It's clear that women are far better at conflict resolution than men. I just think there may be a couple of coldish wars going on.

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Tiger starts the year at 15 over!

January 20th 2010 03:45
Okay, so I was going to let this one pass and leave it to the hundreds of thousands of columns all ready written about the world's number 1 golfer, but I couldn't.
Tiger Woods could be described as, in my neighbourhood, a mad rooter. In Essex he's a Mad Shagger; In Santa Monica he's a Confirmed Sex Addict.
As such, why on earth would such a man get married? What's the point? If he's that much into sex, why settle for the one partner

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