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Love Mate - by Sara Dobson

Love Mate - September 2008

How to Break a Dating Dry Spell

September 29th 2008 23:04
So you have not been on a date in over six months, been there done that. It is quite easy to be caught up in your work life or study, and forget to get out and have some fun and meet new people.

Here are some ideas to get you back out on the dating circuit again.

Look at the Message you are giving out.

Have you been feeling a bit negative lately? Maybe you are a bit down, because you have gained a bit of weight, or you are feeling a bit battered after the breakup of your last relationship. Others sense your negativity and will often run in the other direction, or feel that you do not want to be approached.


If you are feeling negative about yourself, spend some time looking inside yourself. Write down your positive attributes, and everything you have for which you are grateful. Take one last look at your previous heartbreaks and disappointments, find out what you have learned from them, and then put them away for good.

Think positively, you will be surprised how many people will suddenly want to be your friend.


Go to the Park with your Baby (or take your friends baby for a walk if you do not have your own)

You may think this only works for men, how many women out there find that whenever their husband is out with the baby on his own, he is never short of female helpers.

It can work for women too, although for women a walking toddler is better. People love a smiling happy toddler, and will talk to you. It’s great icebreaker “this is my nephew.” You become more of a catch because you love babies and you are available.

Supermarkets are the new Pick up joints

There are supermarkets around that are known as singles hotspots. The one I am thinking of is New World Supermarket on Godley Rd, Auckland. They have been doing single nights on Thursdays for the last 10 years. If you have your bananas pointing upwards it means you are single, if they are pointing downwards you are unavailable. I kid you not!


An Aussie supermarket in Westfield at Bondi Junction held a Cereal Dating night, where shoppers were to display message sending cereal boxes on their carts.

A friend informed me that Neutral Bay Woolworths is another great pick up joint for singles.

If anyone knows of supermarkets in their area that do single nights let me know.
Happy hunting.


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Were we in the same relationship?

September 26th 2008 01:56
Have you ever had one of those relationships, that you thought were pretty crap, and the other person thought was the best ever?

When I was 18 (that is a long time ago I have done that many years again!), I dated a guy I worked with, let’s call him Mr Egocentric.

I was young, and the Mr Egocentric was an arrogant tosser, the relationship was crap, and we eventually broke up, at that time, I was a whole 19 years old.

He got married a couple of years later, but that did not stop him showing up in my life every couple of years. Usually when he had bought a new car, or new boat, or wanted to tell me how successful he was. Do not get me wrong, I politely listened, but certainly did not encourage him in any way.

When he tracked me down about five years ago, through find-a-kiwi, (he was married and I was newly separated), I asked him why he kept calling me. I was shocked by his answer, he said, “Because I think that you are one my soul mates. I think our biggest problem is we met too young when we hadn’t experienced life.”

I did not know what to say. We certainly had more problems than our age, how about, we argued all the time for starters. Never mind you were constantly ogling other women, and snogging girls in nightclubs for a dare.....

I didn’t say any of those things though, I just “Oh really? How’s your wife?”
Then I spent four years wandering the world, and every now and then, I would get an email saying. “Hi! What are you up to? Cheers Mr Egocentric” (accept he did not call himself that). I ignored them.

The most recent contact I got from him was a month back; he obviously thought that I had spent the last five years on my own waiting for him to come back on the market. His email read, “Hi, (my wife) ran off with my work colleague, she is a nasty piece of work that one. Any way I thought I would have some fun. You look like you are having fun are you still in London, I might come over.”

Well I have to say my first thought was, “why didn’t she leave you sooner.” He used to tell me how he left her at home when he went clubbing. Used to chat up girls, and snog them because his mate offered him $10. He used to tell me his wife did not mind she thought it was funny. My guess is she did not find it funny.

Instead of saying all that I just emailed him and said, I moved to Sydney two years ago, met someone had a baby and got married earlier this year.”

His response, “Oh my god you’re a mum.”

Anyway, his plans were dashed again. It got me thinking though, he was present during all those arguments, how did he ever get the impression that I was his soul mate?

How can somebody be so deluded about a relationship or themselves for that matter? Maybe arguing breaking up and not talking for hours was his idea of fun?


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What's your emotional attachment style?

September 21st 2008 05:36
"All the guys I meet are bastards.” “All the girls I meet are nutters.” “Why do I keep getting dumped?”

Are these the thoughts going through your head all the time?

Do you find yourself meeting less than ideal partners? Has it occurred to you that it might be your actions undermining your relationships, not theirs?

Relationships can be the cause of some of the most painful transitions in your life. By experiencing many different relationships, you learn about yourself and the way you want to interact with others.

Wouldn’t it be great if we can experience some of these relationships online, to save ourselves the heartache and disappointment in real life?

Researchers at the University of Illinois had this in mind when they designed a quiz based on the choose your own adventure books that were so popular in the 70s. Researchers took subjects through three variations of a virtual relationship to see how attachment styles (secure or insecure) affect the way we respond in relationships.

When taking the quiz you get one of three possible scenarios: a visit to the fictional partner's parents, a workweek from hell, and an illness. At various junctures, the participant is asked to make a key choice. A secure and understanding choice triggers a more harmonious response.

At the end you are told you attachment style. I thought it was very interesting, but I think the major flaw in this virtual relationship test is, lack of emotional attachment to your virtual partner when making your decisions. Still it is worth checking out yourself.
If you want to try it yourself, click here.


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Specialty online dating sites

September 16th 2008 12:29
The internet is one of the most powerful social networking tools; it unites people across the world who share common interests. Included in this is internet dating. Now it is easy to find people that share your interests or fetishes no matter how obscure. Regardless of what you are into, you can guarantee there is someone out there looking for you!

Here are some dating sites that specialise in bringing people together with specific interests or ways of life


[ Click here to read more ]
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Caught U Lookin

September 14th 2008 03:24
Have you ever had one of those rare moments when you locked eyes with a stranger, out in public and felt an instant connection, or fireworks, and then thought to yourself, what if?
What if the situation was different, and I could meet that person? Would it go anywhere?

[ Click here to read more ]
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affair


Several years back a friend of me confided that she had met up with an old flame and one thing led to another.... and well they had an affair


[ Click here to read more ]
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