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The Beauty Of Truth - by bruce potter

The Beauty Of Truth - June 2009

WHAT TO BUY?
So I said don’t buy her anything she wants or needs; so what do you get her?

5) Books – Nice choice; most women read more than their man does, so find out what she reads and perhaps buy the next in the series if she’s reading The Twilights or Harry Potters. Try to make it special by getting her the hardcopy or even collectors edition copy of her favourite book. You must then inscribe the book. Just something simple; a good idea is if you know the book then use an appropriate quote from it in the inscription.

6) Jewellery - fine choice; but be particular. Try to get her something that fits in with the rest of her collection; some girls choose to wear only gold or only silver; some wear seasonal jewellery; some wear antique. You should have an idea of what she likes so use that as a guide in your choice and you’ll be surprised at how relatively affordable an elegant pair of earrings can be.

My tip – Spend $60 on a watch or a bracelet. Women aren’t monogamous with their watches, they can have many. A simple, yet quite stylish watch won’t cost that much.
Then get it engraved; same with the bracelet. Make it an enduring message – “Loving You” or “Missing You” is stronger than “I Love You”. Also don’t put the date with “I Love You” with it as it may mark the last time you said it.

7) Clothes/shoes – don’t even think about it. The chances of you choosing the right style/colour/size/price are extremely remote; besides most girls quite like the act of buying their clothes which you shouldn’t deny them. And don’t do the lazy act of
“Let’s go to the mall and you choose something and I’ll pay for it.” While this might be financially generous, I find it quite a cheap gesture, and it takes no effort on your part.

And besides you’re not Tony Soprano, so stop acting like it.

8) Music – Buying a CD is fine, but it’s difficult to personalize it. My tip – bring back the MIX TAPE. Yes from those stupidly romantic 80’s, the mixtape, or burnt CD as it is now is still a great way of showing her you care. Grab a bunch of her CD’s and dump
her favourite tracks onto a disc. I’ve used movie quotes that I‘ve ripped, sorry borrowed, from the interweb as links between songs. Another mate used to do his own DJing and stick his voice down to intro the songs. Just make an effort.

9) Lingerie – Delicate area; the simple definition is – she likes it – you like her in it, everybody’s happy. But there are mines to avoid here. If you’ve bought it for her before, then you’ll know what she likes and what size she needs. If you’re buying it for the first time, don’t go too slutty; she’ll wear it once and it’ll stay in the back of the underwear draw. Similarly a crotchless item will get worn once, until it appears on somebody’s head after one cocktail too many at the hen’s night.
Choosing the right size can be difficult; choose too small and you might find yourself looking into eyes welling up; choose too loose and it'll look like Nana's had too much sherry again. It needs to be elegant and yet functional; something she’ll wear often.
You could step into the trouble I did by buying too well – a week after the said items were graciously received I was asked just how often have I bought lingerie?
Also, if you’re buying lingerie, don’t make it the only thing you buy her, or else she’ll feel like you’re only with her because of how good she looks in her underwear.
My tip – satin robe; very hard to screw up the size; classy, practical and she’ll look great in it and love wearing it.

10)Dinner – Dinner or dinner and show is a fine idea, but with theatre tickets it could cost you around $300. My tip – cook her dinner. If you’re a decent cook, then well done; if you think the kitchen is place for storing the microwave and the beer, then make an effort. Talk to your mother or sister or somebody, or even just look up some recipes.
Three courses of soup, roast and vegies, and a dessert is not that hard. You can even bribe her by saying that she has to wear her lovely new robe to dinner or she doesn’t get any chocolate mousse.
Even if you completely ruin the meal, (and if you’re living together she won’t let that happen) then she’ll still appreciate the effort.

11)Surprise party- Bad idea; Looks good on paper, but you need all the planets to align to pull it off. First hurdle is it’ll take a lot of effort for maybe not much gain. The modern woman is a chameleon – she’ll act a certain way around her workmates, then another way around her netball/gym friends, then different again around her family. Throwing that together is a challenge a woman only wants one day in her life.
Also organizing it will require you meddling in her life; talking to her friends behind her back and asking them to keep something from her is a little awkward at best; you also might find yourself having to deal with a surprise rejection.

12)Surprise Weekend Away – This is a great idea; book a weekend up the coast, or on the mountains, then refuse to tell her where but to pack a bag with a few essential items and then off you go.

13)Flowers - Fine idea; just make them part of the presentation, not the only thing. Also, buy them from a florist and not a service station or a supermarket. They won't cost much more and they'll be much better. You won't be able to notice how much, but she will, and once again, she'll appreciate the effort.

CONCLUSION
If you combine items – the card, the robe, the dinner; or the watch, the CD, the card and dinner you should have a very good shot at making your special one happy for a relatively small outlay.

It’s all about effort; indeed it’s less about money in contrast to the way it’s about effort. The more effort you put in, the less it should cost you, the more she’ll appreciate it. Try to keep the element of surprise handy - if have to ask her about what size she is, or what book she’s reading, then give up. Women always want to be surprised by the will of good men.

It may sound a little dramatic, but the elements are the same – you need to treat your partner’s birthday like it’s a presentation to the UN Security Council- come prepared, use utmost diplomacy, be heartfelt in your presentation and you should have peacetime on the majority of fronts for the foreseeable future. Until you forget where you put your pocket diary…

It’s the beauty of truth that I love.




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1) Remember the date! My mate passed this test and many do, but there is just as many stories out there of guys deservedly getting the silent treatment for a week after forgetting again.
My tip – at the beginning of the year spend $5 on a pocket diary. In the diary mark it with the birthdays for the women in your life – your mother, your sister, but especially your wife/girlfriend. Now mark a day the week before her birthday, which is when phase one of your operation will begin. Then mark the day before her birthday, when you should be well into final preparations. If you only mark her birthday, you may only check on that day, and then you’re into the last minute dash, which leads to almost as much pain as forgetting altogether. You should also mark it with yours/hers anniversary.

2) Never ask her what she needs or wants; you have to have a plan of what you’re going to get her, and it needs to be from you not her. If she really needs something
badly, ask her family or friends to arrange it. She may tell you she needs a new vacuum, but if you turn up on her birthday carrying a Hoover with a bow on it, expect to get a kick in the bollocks.

3) BEWARE If she says “I don’t want you to make a fuss about my birthday” – This is a trap. She’s saying this to remind you its coming up, and she’s also saying it because that is exactly what she’d like you to do. It’s one of those comments like “Oh, you’re wearing that shirt are you?” or “I guess I shouldn’t expect you home in time for dinner?” where the opposite action is required.

4) Buy a Card – Always, Always, Always - My mate the tyre buyer struggled with the significance here, but to his wife a card with a loving message would have meant much more than $200 worth of tyres. Don’t buy novelty cards; yes, Gary Larson’s FarSide is brilliant but it is not really romantic. Don’t buy the normal generic vanilla cards either.
My tip – spend even less than those other cards and buy a blank card with dolphins on it or something similar and write your own inscription inside.
You should then write a verse in it; now if you want to try getting poetic by all means, but try taking a verse from the lyric sheet from one of her favourite albums. If that search fails revert back to the master – Van Morrison, or perhaps some other lesser likes.
Or perhaps you can get an absolutely blank card and stick a photo of her or the two of you on it. Just make an effort.

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Awake?
Okay, this one is directed at the guys, but I’d very much like feedback from the girls if I’m desperately short of the mark, or maybe some further tips.
Recently I was speaking to a mate and he related a story that sounded familiar to some other stories I’ve heard from men and women.
His wife of eight years was having a birthday soon. He asked her a week before what she wanted for her birthday. She told him her car needed two new tyres. So, the day before her birthday he secretly borrowed her car and got her two new tyres fitted as her birthday gift. She laughed when he told her, because apparently she wasn’t seriously asking for new tyres. She then retold the story in to some friends of theirs at her birthday dinner.
She thought it was hilarious he did what she asked, but a lovely thing to do, whilst not being the most romantic thing he’d ever given her. She added she was disappointed he didn’t give her a card, as that was all she was hoping for.
Now my mate was a little pissed off that what he thought was a nice thing had been turned into a punchline, and that he’d never been able to get through her birthday without doing something wrong or stupid. He asked me for advice. I gave it and much of what follows is what I told him.
Now, I’m not pretending to be a guru on any particular subject, but I do have some observations to make based on a small of experience, and the small amount of feedback I’ve had which has been generally positive.

First thing to accept as fact is that women treat birthdays with immensely more significance than men. I’m not sure if it’s the maternal instinct or what, but assume it as law that a woman is going to be far more aware of birthdays then you are. I think this is largely a good thing, because how else would we remember any body’s birthdays? If the task was left up to us, everybody would have the same birthday – the last Saturday in September, because we can all remember that day.

Next thing to know is that whatever you buy for her birthday will never be as important as the effort you put into choosing it, or making it, or preparing it. Women want to know that you think they’re special, and that you’ll go out of your way to show it, as you should. Not all of us verbalise our emotions, and not all of us are absolutely romantic, so one day of the year I think it’s good to treat them with unbridled passion and romance. Or at least have a slightly unbridled stab at it, which she will appreciate regardless.

The main thing to work towards is that it shouldn’t be about your budget; she’s not expecting you to buy her an $8,000 string of pearls, as driving you to work each day because you had to sell your car to afford the pearls will get old in about two days.
Also, if you are buying your wife an $8,000 necklace, she’s probably wondering what you’re buying your mistress for her birthday.
So be a little bit creative; making a gift is not something all of us will view comfortably as we don’t have quite the same grasp of handicrafts as our partners do. But I’m not talking about that kind of creation, although if you can knit a decent sweater, more power to you.
What you're striving for is a gesture of the love you feel for her that is tangible that she can treasure, all for under $100. I know, it sounds like a tall order, but it’s not that hard.
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Men are not Projects 3

June 10th 2009 14:07
Awake! Awake!
Okay, so I think I was venting a little too harshly with the first two posts on this through-line. I do promise this will be the last of a trilogy. And hopefully this will be a little more balanced.
Men are not projects, but they are much more inclined than women to be cheating, lying scumbags


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Men are not Projects 2

June 8th 2009 14:01
Awake! Awake!
Some further observations on my previous theme.
Men are as advertised. If your man likes going to the footy, be it the Swans or the Rabbitohs, or even (woops) the Sharks, that's what he's going to like doing for the rest of his life


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Men are not Projects

June 8th 2009 13:05
Awake! Awake!
Note to all women hunting for the perfect guy - Men are not projects. Here's what I'm sick of hearing from girls - "When we first started going out he had so much potential, but now he's just like every other guy."
Don't judge your potential life-partner on whether he has it - potential. Judge him on his merits,on his character,on the depth of his heart. Don't judge him on what he could be


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