Sara DobsonDisastrous Dates – How long should you stay?
August 26th 2008 00:28
Internet dates are like buses, it does not matter if one does not work out, there will be another one along shortly.
We hear so many internet dating success stories nowadays, but how about disasters? What happens when you turn up for your date and you find out everything they told you is a lie. Not a big lie just a whole lot of little ones, such as “I am 5ft 11in tall” when you meet them your realise that even though you are only 5ft 8in they still only come up to your eyeballs.
What happens if they are so socially inept that you cannot have a conversation with them, or they just make you feel uncomfortable? Should you be polite and hang around and make conversation? Or just cut your losses and run?
I have had several occasions that have been uncomfortable for me. I met a guy online once, and I am not sure whose picture he had posted up but it definitely wasn’t his. He also told me he was 5ft 11in, he would be 5ft 7in at the most. Like most tall girls, I prefer a taller guy but it’s not a deal breaker and I have dated guys the same height or shorter than me, what I object to is the lying.
He also looked about 10 years older and 5 stone heavier. What I do not understand, is why lie, you will be found out. The worst part was the way he tickled my hand with his finger when he shook it. Yuck yuck. Anyway, he was invading my space and I was damned uncomfortable, so why didn’t I just leave? It is not as if I am ever going to see him again, why do I care what he thinks?
We went for drink, and several times I went to the bathroom, climbed up on the toilet, and looked out the window to see if I could make my escape. However, I was several floors up and I just couldn’t do it. So here I am, prepared to jump out the window, but I didn’t even have the guts to tell the guy that he wasn’t for me, but thanks for meeting me anyway.
On another occasion I met a guy who made out on his profile that he was a wacky fun spontaneous kinda guy. He phoned me one Saturday afternoon and asked me if I wanted to meet for a drink, as he happened to be in the city working. I said no I am at the gym I need to go home and get changed. “No worries,” he said I will wait around. I asked him if work was busy and he said “No I just like being here.” Why? Why didn’t I see that as a warning sign. In fact, when I tried to make conversation with him on the phone he went silent. Why didn’t I see that as a warning sign?
Nope I still met up with him for a drink at 8pm, after he called me at 3pm and waited around all that time in the city for me, and you guessed it, no conversation. In fact, the only time he got really animated was when I told him I was off to Amsterdam the following weekend. Suddenly he came alive with advice on the drugs available and where to buy them. Once we had milked that conversation as far as it could go it was back to silent staring and yes no answers.
Even though I knew it was pointless, I continued to try, but again why did I bother? Because I didn’t want to upset him? Maybe I did not want him to think badly about me.
My friend told me she went on a date with a weird guy she met online and said to him “oh you are from Maroubra, I can’t date a guy from there.” And left. He probably thought she was weird, but then maybe it does not matter if you are never going to see them again.
On the other hand, you do not want to leave someone’s ego in shreds either just because they were not for you.
Another friend bolted for the door as soon as her date had gone to the bathroom.
And guys don’t think it is just the girls. One guy told me when he was on a date with someone he wasn’t interested in he bolted out the restaurant door saying someone was trying to steal his car from the parking lot.
My New Yorker friend says the online dating business there is big, and very cut throat, and a date can last five minutes. If someone doesn’t like you they are out the door immediately. I think that is probably a better way to go than having a drink with someone, and potentially leading them on. At least if someone was honest upfront you can move on immediately rather than sitting by the phone wondering if they are going to call.
What do you think, how long should you hang around for if you aren’t interested? Would you prefer someone was straight up about their lack of interest and call it a night straightaway?
We hear so many internet dating success stories nowadays, but how about disasters? What happens when you turn up for your date and you find out everything they told you is a lie. Not a big lie just a whole lot of little ones, such as “I am 5ft 11in tall” when you meet them your realise that even though you are only 5ft 8in they still only come up to your eyeballs.
What happens if they are so socially inept that you cannot have a conversation with them, or they just make you feel uncomfortable? Should you be polite and hang around and make conversation? Or just cut your losses and run?
I have had several occasions that have been uncomfortable for me. I met a guy online once, and I am not sure whose picture he had posted up but it definitely wasn’t his. He also told me he was 5ft 11in, he would be 5ft 7in at the most. Like most tall girls, I prefer a taller guy but it’s not a deal breaker and I have dated guys the same height or shorter than me, what I object to is the lying.
He also looked about 10 years older and 5 stone heavier. What I do not understand, is why lie, you will be found out. The worst part was the way he tickled my hand with his finger when he shook it. Yuck yuck. Anyway, he was invading my space and I was damned uncomfortable, so why didn’t I just leave? It is not as if I am ever going to see him again, why do I care what he thinks?
We went for drink, and several times I went to the bathroom, climbed up on the toilet, and looked out the window to see if I could make my escape. However, I was several floors up and I just couldn’t do it. So here I am, prepared to jump out the window, but I didn’t even have the guts to tell the guy that he wasn’t for me, but thanks for meeting me anyway.
Nope I still met up with him for a drink at 8pm, after he called me at 3pm and waited around all that time in the city for me, and you guessed it, no conversation. In fact, the only time he got really animated was when I told him I was off to Amsterdam the following weekend. Suddenly he came alive with advice on the drugs available and where to buy them. Once we had milked that conversation as far as it could go it was back to silent staring and yes no answers.
Even though I knew it was pointless, I continued to try, but again why did I bother? Because I didn’t want to upset him? Maybe I did not want him to think badly about me.
My friend told me she went on a date with a weird guy she met online and said to him “oh you are from Maroubra, I can’t date a guy from there.” And left. He probably thought she was weird, but then maybe it does not matter if you are never going to see them again.
On the other hand, you do not want to leave someone’s ego in shreds either just because they were not for you.
Another friend bolted for the door as soon as her date had gone to the bathroom.
And guys don’t think it is just the girls. One guy told me when he was on a date with someone he wasn’t interested in he bolted out the restaurant door saying someone was trying to steal his car from the parking lot.
My New Yorker friend says the online dating business there is big, and very cut throat, and a date can last five minutes. If someone doesn’t like you they are out the door immediately. I think that is probably a better way to go than having a drink with someone, and potentially leading them on. At least if someone was honest upfront you can move on immediately rather than sitting by the phone wondering if they are going to call.
What do you think, how long should you hang around for if you aren’t interested? Would you prefer someone was straight up about their lack of interest and call it a night straightaway?
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Comment by Cibbuano
20/20 Filmsight
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I think the tough part of internet dating is that you write your own ad. People are obviously going to write themselves up, even if it's not true.
You should start an online dating service where your friends describe you.
Comment by Aimzster
Health and Beauty
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As for me, as much as I would resent being lied to and/or realising from the beginning that the guy wasn't for me, I'd try and stick it out til the end. Like you, I don't want to shred the guy's ego and try to look for some redeemable quality I can hang onto.
Comment by Lara M
Love Speaks
Comment by Krystal
feelings
Good post
Comment by Cheryl J
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I've always found the best thing to do stay for one drink or one coffee and leave if it's bad. I can't stand people that lie about their age, looks, height and my favourite who said he was single and childless but who was in fact only separated and both of his children lived at home with him. And he wandered why I said that his lying was appalling. Sheesh.
Comment by Sara Dobson
Love Mate
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My Turn
Apparently it is common men lie about their height women lie about their build. Not sure why if you intend to meet someone they will find out.
Interestingly there is a website called mysinglefriend.com that is based on your friend doing your profile, based in the UK
Aimzster,
I get where you are coming from. It is interesting peoples interpretation of the world. If I could never get a boyfriend I would wonder what was the matter with me. Obviously the guy you were talking about thought he was fantastic and the rest of the world was weird for not seeing it. I suppose it is good to go through life with such confidence even if you are slightly delusional.
Lara /Krystal
I suppose it is polite to stay for one drink. Sometimes think we are too polite.
Comment by Sara Dobson
Love Mate
Parents Precinct
The Travel Map
My Turn
Makes you wonder why the first guy even wanted to go out on a date if he thought all women were that bad. Some people just get so bitter.
As for the seperated guy been there had one that said he was seperated but living in the house with his wife for the sake of the kids. Then there was another guy who said he was 42 but he looked more like 60 to me. His hands were wrinkly and he walked like an old man. He also let slip about his children that were grown up. He was super rich and I was wondering if he thought I would over look all the lies because of that. Not this girl I was gone.