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The Beauty Of Truth - by bruce potter

Is OnLiNe LoVe ReAl?

May 2nd 2006 07:56

I am currently taking a class that discusses love and today we were talking about online relationships and how valid they are. Many people think it is impossible to fall in love with someone without having physical contact with them. Others say you can actually build a stronger relationship online because the love you have for that person goes deeper than the physical side; instead you fall in love with a personality which is somewhat of a higher love. I can see both arguments being true, but I think I agree more with the idea that you can’t fall in love strictly from online chatting. I don’t think any kind of video camera, microphone or messaging service can provide the contact you get when you are face to face with the person.

However, I do not feel online relationships are useless. Instead of thinking of them as a traditional love relationship, I think they are actually a good passage to a strong relationship outside of the internet. While the impersonal nature of the internet allows people to make up fake identities and appear any way they want which could cause lies to form in a relationship; the internet also is a place that people feel comfortable opening up. I know there are many things I have told my friends online that I could probably never tell them in person. This being said, it could be argued a relationship that is started online has the possibility of being more trustworthy than a relationship started offline because the two parties feel comfortable telling each other things they couldn’t do in person. I also feel the internet creates an atmosphere where people can interact with others they normally wouldn’t come in contact with. This opens the possibilities for more relationships.

So basically I think online relationships can be good building blocks for long lasting offline relationships if the people involved use it correctly. What do you think?

*Alanna*

P.S. Got a love question? Send me a message or post something and I will respond quickly!

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Posted By: alanna - Category: Love Questions

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9 Comments. [ Add A Comment ]

Comment by Sara

May 2nd 2006 13:57

I agree, but the thing is if people are comfortable opening up online and not in person-then wouldn't that make for a really akward situation when you did meet?

Comment by Ricardo

May 2nd 2006 14:30

Online relationships are the biggest loads of rubbish created. It is mainly for either 14 year olds who are too afraid to say.. 'Yeah I reckon you're hot' - but that's understandable. But for the rest of the geeky world who use online love as their way of saying, 'Yeah, I've got a girlfriend/boyfriend', or 'Yeah, I met this chick/guy, he/she's pretty cute'... It's pretty lame. And when you ask, 'Awesome, where did you meet him/her?' It's obvious that the reply of 'oh, on the Internet' is something you can not possibly take seriously.

I mean internet relationships are for people who are too afraid and insecure to say things to people in person, or at least in voice. Sure, it's easy to say, but nothing's better than knowing that you've got the balls to go up to someone and tell them how you feel - people take you more seriously that way. How do u think people told each other how they felt 50 years ago? I doubt they would go onto their morse code machine or whatever the most advanced messaging system was, and key in 'I think you're hot' or 'I love you, wanna go out?'. It's just weird. Also, you can't kiss/hug/have sex over the internet either... so expression of love is out of the question. The thought of cybersex is too sickening, along with the overuse of emoticons. And yes, Sara, the awkwardness when meeting someone you only know as some weird screen name like 'LoverGirl21', only to find that she was definitely not the girl you were looking for, is immeasurable.

Ultimately, if you're a pansy, and have no self-confidence whatsoever, then online dating is the thing for you!

Comment by alanna

May 2nd 2006 23:42

Sara-

I think it can go either way, it could be really awkward in person because just talking on the internet does not build social skills outside in the offline world. But it can also make things more comfortable.

For example, the way I got more comfortable with my best guy friend started online (even though we went to the same school and saw each other everyday). The internet was more like a tool to share things I couldn't tell him right off in person to test the waters and see his reaction. I think the first thing I told him was about my feelings for this other guy, which is something I never did (for some reason back then I didn't like opening up about my feelings for guys to my friends). And he responded by telling me about his crush which was something that made me feel comfortable (I don't know what I was expecting his response to be but I guess I thought it would be something bad). Now that I know he won't judge me or whatever I thought would happen, we have the closest relationship ever, and I can tell him anything online or off. For us, I think the internet just speed up the getting to know the person stage of a friendship. Now I know a friendship is different than a relationship but I can kind of see it working the same way.

Then again, I definitely see your point and I do think it can make it awkward. I know alot of my friends act completely different online than they do offline. So I guess the key is if the person uses the internet to sort of create another world by using it as a mask or actually use it as an additive tool to creating relationships offline.

Thanks for the comment!

*Alanna*

Comment by alanna

May 3rd 2006 00:00

Ricardo-

I agree to an extent on what you are saying. Internet does take away from the important connections like sex, kissing, and the feeling you get when you finally get the nerve up to ask someone out. But I also think it isn't just used by people who do not have the courage to go up to someone. Alot of the online dating services have participants that are too busy with their careers and other things and just do not have the time to go out every night in search of their mate. Also, there aren’t many places for single people to find a decent companion. Let's face it, after Uni there really is no one place where you can meet a group of potential boys or girls around your age that would make potential boy/girlfriends. I have met few men in bars or clubs that wanted more than some action for that night. The internet is a tool to get an array of people your age with the same internets all in a click of a button instead of spending nights in bars waiting on that one in a million to walk through the door.

Now I'm not going to sit here and ignore the fact that people do use the internet to avoid social contact. But I don't think any tool, including the internet, could help these people out. If they do use online dating services because they don't know how to talk to someone in person, they will never find a relationship that last because eventually they will have to move it to the offline world. So I agree with you on those who use it for this purpose only but I do think others use it in a legitimate manner.

Your comment also reminded me of something that was brought up in class that I thought was interesting. Someone said internet dating is actually leading back to a more traditional time with dating. Emails are becoming the new age love letters. And online you have to get to know the person before jumping into a relationship so it is like you start with a friendship first which is something they did in the past with the whole "courting" a girl before dating her. I thought that was an interesting spin on things.

Thanks for the comment! I love your bluntness

*Alanna*

Comment by Stanley

May 3rd 2006 11:10

There is nothing wrong with some healthy scepticism but people should be open minded to the possibliities out there, including finding love online. Sure, you run certain risks but life is about grasping every opportunity you get and finding success with love online is pretty much the same as off-line. I don't see how the risks are more in either sphere. You can always meet psychotics and liars no matter where you are.

Comment by alanna

May 4th 2006 09:40

Good Point Stanley! There are deceptive pople online and offline. Maybe online love is a legitimate new possibility. My brother and my cousin are dating someone they met online. They aren't hearing wedding bells ringing yet, but everything seems to be working out for them.

Thanks for the comment

*Alanna*

Comment by Anonymous

July 8th 2006 11:21

i think many people would agree that meeting someone over the internet and building a friendship is quite acceptable and if those two people think they may have a bit more chemistry than they should meet and see what happens but people who are having relationships over the internet and not having any person to person contact before they decide to "become a couple" is absolutely ridiculous! And i agree with previous comments that peopel who do, do this probably have low self esteem because it is so much easier to open up to people online and appear confident when in fact you mayb shy anddont usually open up which is all well and good while its just over the internet & possibly over the phone but if you are in a relationship you are going to have to meet eventually and when that time comes you will not be the person the other thought to be and basically in some cases you could have possibly wasted a few months with someone that isn't who you really want to be with so what was the point? The Internet is fine for meeting knew People but *not* to start a relationship over.

Comment by Anonymous

September 6th 2007 17:51

I agree totally that online relationships are bogus. That being said, I am in a situation the I have been talking to man for over a year everyday. I dont suffer from confidence issues, I didnt set out to met anyone, but we clicked after meeting at on an art forum. So my beliefs on being able to fall for someone online, and whats happened to me are in conflict. I think that having that pysical contact is important, but at the same time, we have developed something much deeper than that, and its a level that I think is rarely reached face to face. I cant really say if we would click in real life, I would like to think we would, but what we have online is amazing, and I have never laughed so much. I have never met him because of distance, which leaves a sting. Is love online real, hmmm, I'm not sure, but it feels like it. Is it all going to end in hurt, probably, who knows. I am too stubborn to even say that I am in an online relationship, because I dont beleive in them, but I think I am falling for a man on the other side of the world.
I guess bottom line is, love comes to us in all different ways, and if online is one of them, then thats awesome, this world needs more love.
xo

Comment by G

August 18th 2009 10:09

Well, just wanted to say, that I had internet based relations for over a year and it finished a month ago may be, but what I want to say is that that year was really amayzing! I had never been as open to girl as to that one which I have never met in life, she lives in other country 2000 miles away, and we had no chance to meet but our relations started 6 years ago, simply I was registred on one of penpal sites, and I was not searching for any relations, just wanted to meet people from different countries and I met her there, after that we were just penpalling for a year and after we stopped. 5 years passed we had our lives so that had no idea about each other and one day I dcided to write her, just was curiouse what is she doing how is she, and next day I got the answer she said she was happy to see me again and she really seemed happy, after we started writting friendly e-mails and soon in some months we realised that we feel something more than just friendship, we were talking a lot about Evereything and we feel free

and happy

and we also were sanding smses and using every possibility of comunication we could manage, But we lacked verty imortaint one Phisical comunication. after some romantic months we started suffer from this feelings, we both wanted to be together but allas! could not! in short some weeks ago she sant me mail and said she met a boy, and she can not keep older relations but instead really wants to keep friendship coz it is very importiant fo her and if i will forget her she will always remmeber "Us" it was demm painful! and it hurted much! but I sant her answer where telling her that I am thankful for her amayzing friendship and I really whish her happyness and I also dounbt about realyty of our common future, but all my feelings are true and all my words i have ever tolld her were true!
so we decided to stay friends and I managed to get over this feelings and now I feel fine, and am thankful for knowing her

in conculsion just wanted to say that internet relations are not bad just we should be careful! thats all

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