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The Beauty Of Truth - by bruce potter

The 60s, the pill was invented, women were liberated, and free love flowed. Or did it? Have we moved on from the old stereotypes or “good girls don’t,” men are studs, and women are slags?

On average men claim to have had 11 sexual partners, and women claim to have 6. So why the discrepancy in numbers? Is it there are more men having homosexual sex? That may explain some of the differences, but I still think a majority of the time a man is having sex, it is with a woman.

Most of my female friends in their mid 30s have had as many, if not more sexual partners than men of the same age. So what is the real reason for the discrepancy in numbers? Well in my opinion, it is good old-fashioned lying. Men rounding the number of sexual conquests up (because this will make them a stud), and women rounding their numbers down (so that people do not think they are a tart).



Paula Hall a relationship expert for Relate services believes the reason men inflate the figures and women deflate them is because we are not as open minded about these things as we would like to believe. Hall says that in her practice, she works with both adolescents and adults – and in both cases, people regardless of age, still prescribe to the old adage, men who get off with a number of women are players, while the women are slag’s.

With women marrying later in life and focussing on their careers first before finding someone to settle down with, are we supposed to be staying celibate until we find that someone special? Are we supposed to have no fun while waiting for Mr Right?

Worse still, was the Sex and the City series a lie? I for one do not think so, given that I, and so many women I know, loved it because we could relate to it. We have all dated a small willy guy and a big willy guy, a premature ejaculator, a Mr Big commitment phobe. Even prissy Charlotte had more than seven sexual partners.


So is that the sexual revolution only touched a small number of women, while the majority of people are still stuck in the days of studs and sluts? What do you think?


love in the 60s

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How do you know you have met the one?

October 19th 2008 20:52
The one
Do you believe in the one? That there is only one Mr or Ms Right out there for you? I am not sure, but, I do think there are a lot of Mr and Ms Wrongs, and it is only by dating a few of them you realise what you can and cannot work with in a relationship.

How can you be sure you have met someone that is right for you? Here are some of the signs that I think a relationship is good.

1. There are no if onlys.

If only he did not smoke or take drugs, if only we were not so short on cash. If only I did not talk or laugh so loud, he would like me (that happened to me, a guy I dated briefly hated my loud laugh). Some people think that if one annoying factor were removed the relationship would have real potential.

So what happens when that person gives up smoking, booze or tones down their laugh? Does the relationship suddenly become perfect? Unfortunately not, if you are waiting for the right circumstances to be happy then you are not in the right relationship.

2. You can be yourself around the other person.

You do not have to be someone you are not, in order to impress the other person, because just being yourself is enough to impress him or her. So go on laugh as loud as you want, if they don’t like it they can bugger off. If you try to change you will both end unhappy.
The flipside of this I suppose, is if you meet someone you want to change for, then that is ok. The key is you – you have to want to.


3. Everything about them is interesting

When you are into someone, you really want to know about all the details of their lives, including tales of their childhood and looking through old photographs.
If someone is into you, they want to hear about your day at work, everything that happened etc.

4. You have similar priorities in life
Do you work so you have enough money to party? If you are, a relationship with someone that wants to settle down is probably not going to work. You need to be working together to achieve the same things in life.

The saying goes, to meet your prince or princess you need to kiss many frogs, and I agree. I don’t think you need to be with someone for five years to be sure if they are right for you. By dating lots of inappropriate people, you learn to identify traits you can’t live with quickly and therefore learn to move on quickly.

Do you believe in the one? If so how do you know when you have found them?
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affair


Several years back a friend of me confided that she had met up with an old flame and one thing led to another.... and well they had an affair.

I knew her boyfriend, although not very well, he is always very nice and very hospitable towards me, and I felt bad for him. I never did tell him though.

I spent many hours talking to my friend about it. The thing is, she was in love with Mr Affair, but it was clear to me that Mr Affair who had just finished a long-term relationship, was not ready for anything serious. If Mr Affair had given her an inkling of a possible future, she would have ditched her current boyfriend, and run straight into his arms. He never did give her an inkling of a possible future, and he moved on, leaving my friend heartbroken.

Things are not always cut and dry, as I know, after having and emotional affair myself. Even though I spent many hours talking to her, and telling her that the affair would only end in heartbreak for her, never mind anyone else, she would not listen. Well you know what it is like, you cannot tell people anything, they have to just play it out, and all you can do is be there for them.

That was several years ago she is still with the boyfriend and no one is the wiser. Would it have been better to tell him? Maybe he would want to know, but the fact that he never found out saved him from a whole lot of suffering.

My ex husband never found out about my dalliance and that is probably for the best. Our relationship was over anyway, at least this way he left with a bit of pride, rather than having his confidence completely knocked.

My friend was torn up and emotional over the whole thing, and I felt that it was not the up to me to stir it up anymore. Also, it was clear she still had feelings for her current partner.

If the situation was different and someone I knew was just shagging around for the sake of it, and disrespecting their partner then maybe I would say something.

Is it best to tell their partner? Affairs are messy things and chances are you if you tell your friend’s partner about an infidelity, you may lose the friendship of both parties.

If it was the other way around and I caught my friend’s partner somewhere he should be, in a compromising position with someone else, I feel I would owe to my friend to tell them, but there is still a risk of losing your friend especially if she decides to forgive her boyfriend and feels you disapprove.

Cheating of any kind is hurtful, so if you know your friend is cheating, would you tell their partner? Or would you confront the cheater and tell them to sort it out?


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Internet dates are like buses, it does not matter if one does not work out, there will be another one along shortly.

We hear so many internet dating success stories nowadays, but how about disasters? What happens when you turn up for your date and you find out everything they told you is a lie. Not a big lie just a whole lot of little ones, such as “I am 5ft 11in tall” when you meet them your realise that even though you are only 5ft 8in they still only come up to your eyeballs


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Sex appeal, it is a powerful thing, we know it when we see it, but can we describe it?

How many times have you been on a date with someone you thought was very hot to look at, and then been bored before the end of the first course, because they are not too bright or they are rude to the waiters


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MATURE CONTENT
   


Loosing my intuition

September 5th 2006 04:16
People always say: women have a stronger sense of intuition about things than men. To a certain extend i agree. Women are more in-tuned with what's happening around their environment. THey are more aware, more sensitive to details. While men are only in-tuned or aware about things that only affects them directly.

However lately it seems that when it comes to love and relationships, I find myself slowly loosing faith in my intuition. I'm still really accurate at spotting pre-mature relationships between people. Predicting who is interested in whom and whether or not they are compatible with each other. However, it seems that i'm unable to do it for myself. I don't seem to trust myself when it comes to reading signals for myself. Reminds me of HITCH the movie. *on a side note, that is a cute movie


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HOW LONG MORE?

September 2nd 2006 14:10
A question that many of us ask ourselves: HOW LONG MORE DO I HAVE TO WAIT BEFORE I FALL IN LOVE? Be honest, i'm sure if you've been dateless for the pass 8months that question keeps lingering at the back of your mind. I do. I mean, i'm only 20 and i'm asking myself that question.

It's funny how there are days where i love being single and free from being attached to another. But there are days where i soul-search myself and ask myself, what's wrong with me? Are my standards that high or am i that not worth being pursued? The waiting for that day where the heavens give you the green light to fall in love with the person you want to fall in love with. How long more


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HEARTBREAKER

August 24th 2006 05:30
Every broken heart has a heartbreaker. You may not want to admit it, but it's true. So the question is: how do u become a graceful heartbreaker? Is it even possible?

The best approach is to be honest and direct. That doesn't mean you say your piece and disappear like the Lone Ranger, but it does mean you send a clear message: This romantic relationship is over. The key is to communicate this message in the context of compassion. How do you do this


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THE PERFECT ONE

August 22nd 2006 14:53
Until now...do you still think that your"soul mate" is out there somewhere, that there is that ONE individual who can complement you and fulfill you like no other? And most importantly, is it your task to find this mystery person?

Suprisingly, many people still believe that there is one perfect, preordained person for them and that they were made for each other. I guess if you've watched enough Koren-series like i have, then you would be persuaded to believe that this is so. A man and woman are united after a series of near misses and obstacles. At long last, they gaze deeply into each other's eyes and embrace, usually with soothing music and fireworks at the background


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WhAt'S yOuR fAnTaSy?

May 22nd 2006 01:21
Insert Title Here

I got an interesting request to discuss what my fantasy would include. The ingredients to a fantasy are very individualized. Personally, I like to keep my fantasies open, I never really have a specific guy or celebrity I like to think about. True, some ex boyfriends might slip into my dreams every now and then, but not intentionally. Instead, I like to focus more on the environment, what’s happening around me. I also like to make sure each of my senses are taken care of. So as requested, here are the ingredients to my fantasy (without any details):

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Is OnLiNe LoVe ReAl?

May 2nd 2006 07:56
Insert Title Here
I am currently taking a class that discusses love and today we were talking about online relationships and how valid they are. Many people think it is impossible to fall in love with someone without having physical contact with them. Others say you can actually build a stronger relationship online because the love you have for that person goes deeper than the physical side; instead you fall in love with a personality which is somewhat of a higher love. I can see both arguments being true, but I think I agree more with the idea that you can’t fall in love strictly from online chatting. I don’t think any kind of video camera, microphone or messaging service can provide the contact you get when you are face to face with the person.

Insert Title Here
However, I do not feel online relationships are useless. Instead of thinking of them as a traditional love relationship, I think they are actually a good passage to a strong relationship outside of the internet. While the impersonal nature of the internet allows people to make up fake identities and appear any way they want which could cause lies to form in a relationship; the internet also is a place that people feel comfortable opening up. I know there are many things I have told my friends online that I could probably never tell them in person. This being said, it could be argued a relationship that is started online has the possibility of being more trustworthy than a relationship started offline because the two parties feel comfortable telling each other things they couldn’t do in person. I also feel the internet creates an atmosphere where people can interact with others they normally wouldn’t come in contact with. This opens the possibilities for more relationships.

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WhAt MaKeS a DeCeNt GuY?

April 13th 2006 05:35
Insert Title Here
I got a good idea from Cibbuano to post what I think a a decent guy consist of. Now I gotta admit my idea of a good guy has evolved as I got older, more mature, and more realistic. My list no longer have the fairytale rules that movies try to make guys follow.
Insert Title Here


My Rules:

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WhEn Is It ToO sOoN fOr MoRe?

April 12th 2006 05:37
Question:
Insert Title Here

If you've just started seeing a guy that you really like, how long should you wait before you think about taking it to the next level, if ya know what i mean... One of my (male) friends said if he really liked a chick, he would wait 2 months before even attempting anything sexual, but I think this is a little over the top. How soon is too soon? And if it is too soon, would he just lose interest?
-Anonymous

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