bruce potterMen are not Projects 2
June 8th 2009 14:01
Awake! Awake!
Some further observations on my previous theme.
Men are as advertised. If your man likes going to the footy, be it the Swans or the Rabbitohs, or even (woops) the Sharks, that's what he's going to like doing for the rest of his life.
If he knows the difference between Picasso's Blue Period and his Cubism, then that's what he'll know for the rest of his life.
A Swans supporter may just be able to argue the merits of Cubism; a Rabbitohs supporter may just know who Picasso is; A Shark supporter will think Picasso is playing outside centre for Newtown, and will want to know if he's available because the Sharks could use the help.
My point is we're not complicated characters. You pretty much get what you paid for.
Yes, you may be able to reform your man of some nasty habits. We can be trained to leave the toilet seat down; we can be trained to be very sensitive and have a decent supply of chocolate for certain times of the month; and we can even be trained to tolerate your mother's friendly quips about how we seem to have less hair then we did last time we were over.
But we can't be trained to know that Salvador Dali used LSD to achieve some of his trully great works, because most of us think Salvador plays in the midfield for Middlesbrough.
I have heard a number of women bemoan the fact that men are so difficult to work out; I'm sorry but I must be one of the men in a parallel universe, because we're far less complex than women are.
If you notice, you're rarely hear men in their youth talk about meeting their dreamgirl; they might talk about wanting to do Angelina, but they don't set a goal of an ideal girl who meets all of their expectations.
Most guys are just happy with a girl who does three things -
1) Turn up. Simple really. But for most of life's important events, guys just want a girl who'll show up, and won't be too fussy about the girl's given performance.
2) Mention the word naked. Another simple one, but very easy to follow. If you want to completely derail a guy from whatever avenue he's headed down, just throw the word naked randomly into the conversation, and he'll go to water. And even better, get naked.
It's doesn't have to be about sex, but if you want your man to come home from work on time, just tell him you'll be doing the dishes naked. And an amendment to the Seinfeld rule about nudity- there is no such thing as bad naked.
3)Be happy with him. Many women bemoan the number of ways their man doesn't measure up; most guys I know have one primary beef with their partners - the number of problems their women have with them. We don't want to live in the doghouse; we don't want there to be a doghouse. If your man uses the old gag when talking about your life together as "I'm always in the shit - it's only the depth that varies" then don't have a life together. Seriously just give it up. If you're unhappy with him and he's unhappy with not being able to make you happy, just quit.
Divorce rates are running at 49.4%. That's .7% from the government legitamately having to discourage marriage through social and financial responsibility. Don't add to it by plunging into a project marriage which is hiding the truth that both of you believe it's better to be together and unhappy, then alone and happy.
Easy for me to say when I spend my days stealing hubcaps, and my nights making suits out of human skin. Alone and happy. Sort of.
Yours
R.P. MacMurphy
PS. I want to live in a world ensconsed with the beauty of truth, rather than the beauty of youth.
Some further observations on my previous theme.
Men are as advertised. If your man likes going to the footy, be it the Swans or the Rabbitohs, or even (woops) the Sharks, that's what he's going to like doing for the rest of his life.
If he knows the difference between Picasso's Blue Period and his Cubism, then that's what he'll know for the rest of his life.
A Swans supporter may just be able to argue the merits of Cubism; a Rabbitohs supporter may just know who Picasso is; A Shark supporter will think Picasso is playing outside centre for Newtown, and will want to know if he's available because the Sharks could use the help.
Yes, you may be able to reform your man of some nasty habits. We can be trained to leave the toilet seat down; we can be trained to be very sensitive and have a decent supply of chocolate for certain times of the month; and we can even be trained to tolerate your mother's friendly quips about how we seem to have less hair then we did last time we were over.
But we can't be trained to know that Salvador Dali used LSD to achieve some of his trully great works, because most of us think Salvador plays in the midfield for Middlesbrough.
I have heard a number of women bemoan the fact that men are so difficult to work out; I'm sorry but I must be one of the men in a parallel universe, because we're far less complex than women are.
If you notice, you're rarely hear men in their youth talk about meeting their dreamgirl; they might talk about wanting to do Angelina, but they don't set a goal of an ideal girl who meets all of their expectations.
Most guys are just happy with a girl who does three things -
2) Mention the word naked. Another simple one, but very easy to follow. If you want to completely derail a guy from whatever avenue he's headed down, just throw the word naked randomly into the conversation, and he'll go to water. And even better, get naked.
It's doesn't have to be about sex, but if you want your man to come home from work on time, just tell him you'll be doing the dishes naked. And an amendment to the Seinfeld rule about nudity- there is no such thing as bad naked.
3)Be happy with him. Many women bemoan the number of ways their man doesn't measure up; most guys I know have one primary beef with their partners - the number of problems their women have with them. We don't want to live in the doghouse; we don't want there to be a doghouse. If your man uses the old gag when talking about your life together as "I'm always in the shit - it's only the depth that varies" then don't have a life together. Seriously just give it up. If you're unhappy with him and he's unhappy with not being able to make you happy, just quit.
Divorce rates are running at 49.4%. That's .7% from the government legitamately having to discourage marriage through social and financial responsibility. Don't add to it by plunging into a project marriage which is hiding the truth that both of you believe it's better to be together and unhappy, then alone and happy.
Easy for me to say when I spend my days stealing hubcaps, and my nights making suits out of human skin. Alone and happy. Sort of.
Yours
R.P. MacMurphy
PS. I want to live in a world ensconsed with the beauty of truth, rather than the beauty of youth.
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