Love Mate - by Sara Dobson

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Posted By: Sara Dobson - Category: Relationships

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Were we in the same relationship?

September 26th 2008 01:56

Have you ever had one of those relationships, that you thought were pretty crap, and the other person thought was the best ever?

When I was 18 (that is a long time ago I have done that many years again!), I dated a guy I worked with, let’s call him Mr Egocentric.

I was young, and the Mr Egocentric was an arrogant tosser, the relationship was crap, and we eventually broke up, at that time, I was a whole 19 years old.

He got married a couple of years later, but that did not stop him showing up in my life every couple of years. Usually when he had bought a new car, or new boat, or wanted to tell me how successful he was. Do not get me wrong, I politely listened, but certainly did not encourage him in any way.

When he tracked me down about five years ago, through find-a-kiwi, (he was married and I was newly separated), I asked him why he kept calling me. I was shocked by his answer, he said, “Because I think that you are one my soul mates. I think our biggest problem is we met too young when we hadn’t experienced life.”

I did not know what to say. We certainly had more problems than our age, how about, we argued all the time for starters. Never mind you were constantly ogling other women, and snogging girls in nightclubs for a dare.....

I didn’t say any of those things though, I just “Oh really? How’s your wife?”
Then I spent four years wandering the world, and every now and then, I would get an email saying. “Hi! What are you up to? Cheers Mr Egocentric” (accept he did not call himself that). I ignored them.

The most recent contact I got from him was a month back; he obviously thought that I had spent the last five years on my own waiting for him to come back on the market. His email read, “Hi, (my wife) ran off with my work colleague, she is a nasty piece of work that one. Any way I thought I would have some fun. You look like you are having fun are you still in London, I might come over.”

Well I have to say my first thought was, “why didn’t she leave you sooner.” He used to tell me how he left her at home when he went clubbing. Used to chat up girls, and snog them because his mate offered him $10. He used to tell me his wife did not mind she thought it was funny. My guess is she did not find it funny.

Instead of saying all that I just emailed him and said, I moved to Sydney two years ago, met someone had a baby and got married earlier this year.”

His response, “Oh my god you’re a mum.”

Anyway, his plans were dashed again. It got me thinking though, he was present during all those arguments, how did he ever get the impression that I was his soul mate?

How can somebody be so deluded about a relationship or themselves for that matter? Maybe arguing breaking up and not talking for hours was his idea of fun?

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Posted By: Sara Dobson - Category: Relationships

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What's your emotional attachment style?

September 21st 2008 05:36

"All the guys I meet are bastards.” “All the girls I meet are nutters.” “Why do I keep getting dumped?”

Are these the thoughts going through your head all the time?

Do you find yourself meeting less than ideal partners? Has it occurred to you that it might be your actions undermining your relationships, not theirs?

Relationships can be the cause of some of the most painful transitions in your life. By experiencing many different relationships, you learn about yourself and the way you want to interact with others.

Wouldn’t it be great if we can experience some of these relationships online, to save ourselves the heartache and disappointment in real life?

Researchers at the University of Illinois had this in mind when they designed a quiz based on the choose your own adventure books that were so popular in the 70s. Researchers took subjects through three variations of a virtual relationship to see how attachment styles (secure or insecure) affect the way we respond in relationships.

When taking the quiz you get one of three possible scenarios: a visit to the fictional partner's parents, a workweek from hell, and an illness. At various junctures, the participant is asked to make a key choice. A secure and understanding choice triggers a more harmonious response.

At the end you are told you attachment style. I thought it was very interesting, but I think the major flaw in this virtual relationship test is, lack of emotional attachment to your virtual partner when making your decisions. Still it is worth checking out yourself.
If you want to try it yourself, click here.

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Secrets of a Lasting Relationship

August 31st 2008 12:27

Six years ago, newly divorced and meeting inappropriate men, I gave up on love completely. Then I worked with an amazing woman. At the time she was in her early forties, she had five children who’s ages ranged from 7 -20 years old (one set of twins). She was married to her teenage sweetheart. She had met him at age 17, she said to me ‘he’s the only man I have ever known’ (I am assuming that is in the biblical sense).

She used to ring him from work and chat; he came and met her for lunch sometimes, which may not seem out of the ordinary. But thing that I found amazing was when I saw them out on the street one day they were holding hands and they both had that dreamy look of young love in their eyes

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Is having an emotional affair cheating?

August 10th 2008 07:20

“Beep beep,” went my mobile phone. I smiled that would be Jim (not his real name) texting me to see if I was all right.

“Who is that?” asked my husband

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Posted By: Sara Dobson - Category: Relationships

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IS IT WORTH de WAIT

August 21st 2006 02:09

Just recently i was made to rethink about my current love life. FYI, currently, there is no boyfriend but a special person whom i'm eyeing at for the past 1yr pluz. He is a really cool guy who has almost everything that i want. Except, he hasn't really come up to me and chat. So yeah, i know, some people are just meant to be admired from afar. He is the guy.

Anyway, it took a fight wif a girl friend of mine to make me question

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Posted By: Cher - Category: Relationships

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LeTtInG Go Of An Ex

June 2nd 2006 07:17

Why is it when you see your ex with another person you get that horrible feeling in your stomach? It's not that feeling that you like them again, it's that final rip of your heart that they are completely over you and has found someone that makes them smile more than you ever could. Even when they don't intentionally rub it in your face that they moved on or tries to hide it so you don't feel bad, you still can't help to feel down. See when you break up with someone it's like a race to see who can find another person before the other one does. And when you are a person who doesn't attract the best of males which makes it even harder to find a decent guy, you always lose the race. But you learn to dust yourself off, deal with your feelings, and continue to wish the best for your ex because there was a time that all you wanted was them to be happy. The only difference is now it's not with you..

*Alanna*

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Posted By: alanna - Category: Relationships

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HoW oLd Is ToO oLd?

May 9th 2006 11:38

How old is too old when looking for a partner. Or should I say how young is too young? I don’t think there is a magic number for how many years between 2 people before it doesn’t work. Instead, I think it is all about where each person is at in their life. This is why a 16 year old probably wouldn’t work with a 20 year old but a 26 year old has good chances working with a 32 year old. In the first case, the 16 year old is still working through college thinking about which university to go through, while the 20 year old is wrapping up uni and thinking about career choices. They are at two different life stages, which could get in the way when trying to find goals to work on together. Even though in the second case there are 2 more years in the difference in age than the first one, they would be at a point in their life when they have chosen their careers and is maybe thinking about a family and things. Meaning, they are at similar levels.

Now this isn’t to say all 16 and 20 year old couples cannot work or all 26 and 32 year olds would work. A person’s maturity level and goals are completely individualized. But I think if you take the average person in these age groups, the rule would apply. What do you think?
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Posted By: alanna - Category: Relationships

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wHy Do PeOpLe ChEaT?

May 7th 2006 05:44

Why do peoples cheat? For the excitement and mysterious feeling you get when you know you are doing something you shouldn’t? Maybe it’s because you are curious if there is something better out there, but you don’t want to take the risk of letting go of your current mate and not finding someone better, so instead you just hide through cheating. Or is it just because you can and you like to flaunt? Whatever the answer may be, it rarely is because you want to hurt the people you are with and make their hearts feel like they’ve been ripped from their chests right in front of their face.. BUT that’s exactly what happens when someone finds out the person they cared for decided to have their cake and eat it too. People are not toys that you play with anyway and anytime you like, just to be thrown away later. And relationships aren’t meant to be used in a selfish manner. When you are involved with someone, it is no longer just about whatuo u want, it’s a 2 way street, it’s a compromise and cheating never fits into that equation. So to all the cheaters.. make a decision, stop being selfish, and start caring about people like they are humans with feelings. Because if u don’t, I am a strong believer in karma and let me tell you, when she comes around, she is a bitch with no sympathy..

*Alanna*

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Posted By: alanna - Category: Relationships

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WhAt MaKeS a KeEpEr?

May 1st 2006 02:03

There are men who are beyond attractive that never pass by a girl without getting a second look. Then there are guys who are just sexy, who can lick their lips and make you shiver. But above all these men are the keepers. These are the ones who can’ be summed up into one word. They have the ability to make u want to smile, cry, and laugh by just saying hello. They may not be handsome to everyone's eyes but when you look at him, the dimple on his right cheek, the way his nose wrinkles when he smiles and the puppy eyes he gets when he misses you makes him become the best looking guy in the world to you. These are the men who appreciate you when you are alone as well as when you are with his boys. These guys are the ones who give you a sense of pride when talking about them because unlike others they have goals and they are doing things to achieve them. There are guys like this out there but you have to open your eyes because if u don’t, the next girl will..

*Alanna*

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