bruce potterWas there really a sexual revolution in the 60s?
November 13th 2008 22:21
The 60s, the pill was invented, women were liberated, and free love flowed. Or did it? Have we moved on from the old stereotypes or “good girls don’t,” men are studs, and women are slags?
On average men claim to have had 11 sexual partners, and women claim to have 6. So why the discrepancy in numbers? Is it there are more men having homosexual sex? That may explain some of the differences, but I still think a majority of the time a man is having sex, it is with a woman.
Most of my female friends in their mid 30s have had as many, if not more sexual partners than men of the same age. So what is the real reason for the discrepancy in numbers? Well in my opinion, it is good old-fashioned lying. Men rounding the number of sexual conquests up (because this will make them a stud), and women rounding their numbers down (so that people do not think they are a tart).
Paula Hall a relationship expert for Relate services believes the reason men inflate the figures and women deflate them is because we are not as open minded about these things as we would like to believe. Hall says that in her practice, she works with both adolescents and adults – and in both cases, people regardless of age, still prescribe to the old adage, men who get off with a number of women are players, while the women are slag’s.
With women marrying later in life and focussing on their careers first before finding someone to settle down with, are we supposed to be staying celibate until we find that someone special? Are we supposed to have no fun while waiting for Mr Right?
Worse still, was the Sex and the City series a lie? I for one do not think so, given that I, and so many women I know, loved it because we could relate to it. We have all dated a small willy guy and a big willy guy, a premature ejaculator, a Mr Big commitment phobe. Even prissy Charlotte had more than seven sexual partners.
So is that the sexual revolution only touched a small number of women, while the majority of people are still stuck in the days of studs and sluts? What do you think?
On average men claim to have had 11 sexual partners, and women claim to have 6. So why the discrepancy in numbers? Is it there are more men having homosexual sex? That may explain some of the differences, but I still think a majority of the time a man is having sex, it is with a woman.
Most of my female friends in their mid 30s have had as many, if not more sexual partners than men of the same age. So what is the real reason for the discrepancy in numbers? Well in my opinion, it is good old-fashioned lying. Men rounding the number of sexual conquests up (because this will make them a stud), and women rounding their numbers down (so that people do not think they are a tart).
Paula Hall a relationship expert for Relate services believes the reason men inflate the figures and women deflate them is because we are not as open minded about these things as we would like to believe. Hall says that in her practice, she works with both adolescents and adults – and in both cases, people regardless of age, still prescribe to the old adage, men who get off with a number of women are players, while the women are slag’s.
With women marrying later in life and focussing on their careers first before finding someone to settle down with, are we supposed to be staying celibate until we find that someone special? Are we supposed to have no fun while waiting for Mr Right?
Worse still, was the Sex and the City series a lie? I for one do not think so, given that I, and so many women I know, loved it because we could relate to it. We have all dated a small willy guy and a big willy guy, a premature ejaculator, a Mr Big commitment phobe. Even prissy Charlotte had more than seven sexual partners.
So is that the sexual revolution only touched a small number of women, while the majority of people are still stuck in the days of studs and sluts? What do you think?
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Comment by Lara M
Love Speaks
Food Slate
I think both you and Hall are on to something here
Comment by Morgan Bell
Deep Pencil
Business News
Movie Train
ive really never known anyone who was like the Sex And The City crew, most of the women i know settled into serious monogamous relationships fairly early and dont stay single for long if they break up . . . these is still a huge stigma surrounding women who are single, they are considered "failures" unfortunately
Comment by RubySoho
Music Zone
Thought Zone
p.s I am rounding down.
Comment by alt_ed
Alted Opinion
ArtCombat
The Inner Saintdom
And, I for one have lost count! but eh, who cares? I'm a stud right???
Comment by Morgan Bell
Deep Pencil
Business News
Movie Train
just check out my facebook, everyone my age is married with kids or in long-term relationships
and good for them if it makes them happy
i just dont know many (any) CEOs or Doctors or Solicitors etc who are palling around with their girlfriends and drinking cocktails feeling really liberated and sexually free
thats just my experience, maybe in a different socio-economic group these kind of women really do exist?
just for the record im happily single, i cast no judgement on the single lifestyle, i just dont think its that common
Comment by Janet Collins
Acceptable Etiquette
The Social Critic
Janet Collins Blog
Comment by Wynona Lavota
Generation Y Life
Comment by Lilla
From The Home Front
Enviro Warrior
Dream Herald
Esoteric Bookshop
Maybe it just seems that way (a revolution I mean) because of all the LSD, maybe it didnt happen at all and it was all a grand advertising campaign.
/seriously/ I think a gentleman never asks and a lady never tells. Its not good to get too hung up on statistics. Life is to be experienced and is different for each person.
Times are a/changing and to be honest, I think if men were women most of them would be perpetual tarts, constantly on their backs, dont you?
A great Post!
Lilla ...
Comment by Anonymous
That is why guys have 11 and women have 6, average. Not homosexual sex or phoney numbers on surveys. By the way, I am a male and I have had 3, including my wife.
Comment by Sara Dobson
My Turn
Thanks for your comments. I think it is there is definitely something wrong with these figures.
Hi Morgan
I had several school friends that pretty much went from one relationship to the next and married and settled down early. Good luck to them. May be if I had met mr right in my 20s I would have too, but I didn't and thats cool too,
I think Sex and The City was quite a well marketed programme in that there was kind of someone for everyone. Its not so much about drinking the cocktails, more about the 4 distinct personality types represented in the programe.
Most of my friends were no Samanthas, probably more Carries or Mirandas. Dating a string of guys. But still if you are single until you are in your mid 30s and dated 2 to 3 guys a year from 18. Then it still adds up to more than 11 guys. (even one guy a year puts it over 11).
Ruby
Thanks for your honesty.
Janet
I have long given up on counting.
Alt_ed
You are a stud
Wyonna,
Absolutely agree.
Lilla
Good point. you would thing everyone was a drug taking tart in the 60s, But I think not. My mother is the stuffiest prude around.
May be we are all tarts, or not. Maybe everyone should just get on with living thier lives and the word tart only be used to decribe cakes.
Anonymous
Congratulations on finding your true love without too much dating.
Unfortunately not all of us do. It doesn't mean we shouldn't enjoy ourselves in the mean time though?
Comment by D. Armenta
The Florida Keys and Everglades
The Black Sheep Chronicles
What constitutes bad manners?
The male mystique
Debate Fan
L.A.M.P.
My theory is that the sexual revolution started out with the best of intentions, but at some point a lot of people started twisting the new attitude around to serve their own selfish ends. A lot of men--and women-- jumped on the whole "free love" thing to justify casual sex to themselves and society. Lots of communes that touted themselves as independent and co-operative societies (including intersexual relationships in the society) were started in those days.
Started to backfire, though, when human nature took over...I think it's against human nature to "share" sexual partners on a permanent basis.
What I mean is, some people-many of them men-would have multiple partners in a commune for as long as they could get away with it. Some of the women in communes didn't seem to be as interested in multiple partners after awhile, especially after they started having babies. and sooner or later would rebel against the whole "harem" scenario. I didn't read about a whole lot of women having "stables"--mostly it was the other way round.
My references for this opinion are :
"The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test" by Tom Wolfe
"I'm with the band" by Pamela Des Barres
Conversations with my longtime friend,who spent part of his childhood in a California commune--as well as conversations with his mother.
Good, thought-provoking question. Thank you.
Comment by Lilla
From The Home Front
Enviro Warrior
Dream Herald
Esoteric Bookshop
Wow, imagine my surprise some 20 years on (now) to discover it wasnt... hahahaha I crack myself up!