bruce potterShouldn't Women do the Proposing?
October 12th 2009 13:32
Women! Propose to your men now!
Awake? Hopefully you are now. Marriage proposals are traditionally the man's area of concern, yet in practically every case I can remember they are hinted at, nudged toward, even prompted by women. As with most every tradition I encounter, they are a crock of shit and only persisted with because of some ridiculous idea that we all realise they're a crock, but we put up with them because that is the way it's always been done.
Maybe you're awake now.
In most cases marriage proposals occur when a couple who've been co-habitating for between 12 months to up to five years decide to “tie the knot”. Yet most men see it more like “tightening the noose.”
Co-habitation is vital for a couple to trully know each other and what they're like. If not for defacto marriages, I could be immersed in less than successful marriages, or more likely, messy divorces.
But co-habitation leads to reluctance and laziness on the man's part, and anxiety and negativity on the woman's part. The man thinks, oh well, everything's fine now, why should we fix what isn't broken. The woman rightfully thinks it's a trial run that should last no longer than twelve months.
And it shouldn't. If you can't get to really know somebody after twelve months of sharing a residence – of sport on the tv; of telephone conversations that never end or a bathroom full of products you've never heard of; or realising that farting terms really means putting up with some awful stink(she was a champion at the art of flatulence) – then it's time to give up. Move on with separate lives.
But if your marriage proposal hasn't arrived after five years of living together, with endless viewing of jewellery shop windows, and many instances of volunteering to baby sit, and even purchasing Modern Bride magazine – well it's time to propose to your man or send him back to live with his retard mates.
I've been asked out on dates twice in my adult life. It doesn't happen to men very often. Both times I was hugely flattered, even if one time the girl had a speech impediment which resulted in a piece of projectile spit hitting my forehead in the middle of dinner.
But we're delighted when a woman is forward and empowered enough to approach us.
As such it is high time the marriage proposal became the woman's area of responsibility.
Screw the tradition. After all, the wedding day and all of it's ritualised grief are all about the bride. There isn't a couple I've ever heard of who have the woman reluctantly being shoved down the aisle, only to be castigated by her groom for forgetting to pay the priest, or not being able to afford the best cars, or something the maid of honour said to the father in law.
Indeed, I've known a number of guys who put off the marriage proposal, not because they didn't want to be married, but because they wanted to put off the six to twelve to eighteen months of wedding planning nightmares.
I've been to over forty weddings in my time, and I've been Best Man three times. I've witnessed so many arguments about everything from seating arrangements, to speech running order, to what type of car, to flower arrangements. I actually think many women are more in love with the idea of being a bride, then with the man they are going to spend their life with.(BTW – two of those three marriages are no more; maybe it's me-one for three is not a good average.)
Don't misunderstand my agenda – I hope to be a husband and a father one day, but like
my hairline, it's getting further and further away.
The dark side of proposals is the reaction that two of my mates received to their popping of the big question – “yes” closely followed by “'Bout bloody time!”
Now that's starting a life together on a positive note. Here's where the traditional line of many husbands begins - “I'm always in the shit, it's only the depth that varies.”
I guarantee I will never enter into a life time commitment with a woman who expects me to assume that insane position, which may just guarantee my bachelorhood.
We also need to rethink this ritual of the man asking the woman's father for permission for her “hand”. Another crock of shit. It demeans the woman and makes her like a possession of her father's to be traded for tracts of land.
But more over as most wives will know, it's never a matter of the father approving of the new son-in-law; in many circumstances I can think of, it's the mother who doesn't get on with the daughter-in-law.
Once again, it's the opposite situation which is far more relevant. The woman should have to ask the mother for her son's hand in marriage. Wow. Now that's a scene loaded with tension. Imagine Xmas dinner if that little scenario doesn't go well.
So please, let's try to evolve a little as a civilisation. If the woman wants to be married more than the man; if she wants to have a trully grand wedding day; if she's eager to be a mother and wants to do so inside wedlock, then let's make it her call when it should start.
Men would love it. Most grooms are reluctant by nature. They're just hoping to get through the day relatively unscathed.
The woman picks both the rings anyway; now she gets to offer it as part of her generous proposal.
It's curious though; I can't imagine women going through any where near the anxiety that men do with the practical part of actually asking. Men would be so happy to be asked, that the woman could ask while she's sitting on the couch scratching her crotch watching the Swans with a mouthful of super supreme and an Extra Dry in her hand. She could even belch mid-sentence and she'd still get a yes.
And I'm quite sure no man would reply with a “Bout bloody time” either.
There's beauty in the ugly truth.
Awake? Hopefully you are now. Marriage proposals are traditionally the man's area of concern, yet in practically every case I can remember they are hinted at, nudged toward, even prompted by women. As with most every tradition I encounter, they are a crock of shit and only persisted with because of some ridiculous idea that we all realise they're a crock, but we put up with them because that is the way it's always been done.
Maybe you're awake now.
In most cases marriage proposals occur when a couple who've been co-habitating for between 12 months to up to five years decide to “tie the knot”. Yet most men see it more like “tightening the noose.”
But co-habitation leads to reluctance and laziness on the man's part, and anxiety and negativity on the woman's part. The man thinks, oh well, everything's fine now, why should we fix what isn't broken. The woman rightfully thinks it's a trial run that should last no longer than twelve months.
And it shouldn't. If you can't get to really know somebody after twelve months of sharing a residence – of sport on the tv; of telephone conversations that never end or a bathroom full of products you've never heard of; or realising that farting terms really means putting up with some awful stink(she was a champion at the art of flatulence) – then it's time to give up. Move on with separate lives.
But if your marriage proposal hasn't arrived after five years of living together, with endless viewing of jewellery shop windows, and many instances of volunteering to baby sit, and even purchasing Modern Bride magazine – well it's time to propose to your man or send him back to live with his retard mates.
But we're delighted when a woman is forward and empowered enough to approach us.
As such it is high time the marriage proposal became the woman's area of responsibility.
Screw the tradition. After all, the wedding day and all of it's ritualised grief are all about the bride. There isn't a couple I've ever heard of who have the woman reluctantly being shoved down the aisle, only to be castigated by her groom for forgetting to pay the priest, or not being able to afford the best cars, or something the maid of honour said to the father in law.
Indeed, I've known a number of guys who put off the marriage proposal, not because they didn't want to be married, but because they wanted to put off the six to twelve to eighteen months of wedding planning nightmares.
I've been to over forty weddings in my time, and I've been Best Man three times. I've witnessed so many arguments about everything from seating arrangements, to speech running order, to what type of car, to flower arrangements. I actually think many women are more in love with the idea of being a bride, then with the man they are going to spend their life with.(BTW – two of those three marriages are no more; maybe it's me-one for three is not a good average.)
Don't misunderstand my agenda – I hope to be a husband and a father one day, but like
my hairline, it's getting further and further away.
The dark side of proposals is the reaction that two of my mates received to their popping of the big question – “yes” closely followed by “'Bout bloody time!”
Now that's starting a life together on a positive note. Here's where the traditional line of many husbands begins - “I'm always in the shit, it's only the depth that varies.”
I guarantee I will never enter into a life time commitment with a woman who expects me to assume that insane position, which may just guarantee my bachelorhood.
We also need to rethink this ritual of the man asking the woman's father for permission for her “hand”. Another crock of shit. It demeans the woman and makes her like a possession of her father's to be traded for tracts of land.
But more over as most wives will know, it's never a matter of the father approving of the new son-in-law; in many circumstances I can think of, it's the mother who doesn't get on with the daughter-in-law.
Once again, it's the opposite situation which is far more relevant. The woman should have to ask the mother for her son's hand in marriage. Wow. Now that's a scene loaded with tension. Imagine Xmas dinner if that little scenario doesn't go well.
So please, let's try to evolve a little as a civilisation. If the woman wants to be married more than the man; if she wants to have a trully grand wedding day; if she's eager to be a mother and wants to do so inside wedlock, then let's make it her call when it should start.
Men would love it. Most grooms are reluctant by nature. They're just hoping to get through the day relatively unscathed.
The woman picks both the rings anyway; now she gets to offer it as part of her generous proposal.
It's curious though; I can't imagine women going through any where near the anxiety that men do with the practical part of actually asking. Men would be so happy to be asked, that the woman could ask while she's sitting on the couch scratching her crotch watching the Swans with a mouthful of super supreme and an Extra Dry in her hand. She could even belch mid-sentence and she'd still get a yes.
And I'm quite sure no man would reply with a “Bout bloody time” either.
There's beauty in the ugly truth.
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