bruce potterTaking the Trauma out of First Dates
August 23rd 2008 01:31
First dates can be very scary; there is so much riding on them, so many hopes and expectations. Not to mention the worries such as: 'What if I can’t think of anything to say?’ 'What if I get something stuck in my teeth?’ People say it is like going to a job interview. I hate job interviews, I dread them, and that is not how you should feel when going on a date.
Here are a few tips to help you relax and enjoy your date.
Location
Keep it simple meet for a drink or a coffee somewhere, or perhaps a casual restaurant; do not go anywhere too extravagant that may make the evening uncomfortable for one party.
Do not plan too many different activities, as it will provide too many opportunities for things to go wrong, just a dinner or a couple of drinks will give you the opportunity to get to know whether you have anything in common with the person.
Dress Appropriately
If you are going to your local Italian restaurant then a sparkly dress and uncomfortable (but gorgeous) shoes may not be appropriate. Same with makeup up if you are going casual keep it light.
However, some effort should be made. Even on a casual date, I make sure I am wearing a pretty top and nice shoes with my jeans and a little makeup, only to be disappointed when my date turns up in an old woolly jumper and slip ons. To me it says 'I cannot be bothered'. Jeans and a nice shirt with a jacket would be great.
Conversation
Keep it light. Now is not the time to discuss you traumatic childhood, or your disastrous relationship history. Best not to get into heated debates over religion or politics either.
Be yourself, your well-behaved self that is. Do not lie about you hobbies and interests or pretend to be someone you are not.
Some people suggest making a list of conversation starters, personally, I don’t these work. I think it sounds fake after an awkward pause to suddenly say, “Describe your dream holiday”. If you have stuff in common, the conversation should flow. It is useful to find out their dreams and hobbies before you go out with them. Then at least you will have an idea of discussion topics that would be of interest to them.
Paying
Most guys I talk to like to pay on first dates, regardless of whether you asked them out or not. I made a big mistake one time when I insisted on paying half when the guy earned less. One of my male friends told me that was the wrong thing to do because it would make him feel bad.
Another mistake I made was to insist on paying for a guy I had been out with a few times. But the reason I did this is because he always paid, and I thought he may feel I was using him because he was very well off.
Although I have to say, one of the biggest turnoffs was when I went dutch with a guy who went through his pockets and pulled out all his coins to make sure he didn’t pay a cent more than he had to for the meal.
So I guess that girls need to make an effort to pay and guys need to be honest about whether they want us to pay.
This is the most awkward part of the date for me, because it is different for every guy and I have no idea whether I am doing the right thing or not.
Ending the date
End a date honestly. If you think there is no chemistry thank your date for a lovely evening and leave it at that. Guys please don’t say you will call if you have no intention of doing so.
I think if you felt a connection with someone a good night kiss is definitely on the cards.
Here are a few tips to help you relax and enjoy your date.
Location
Keep it simple meet for a drink or a coffee somewhere, or perhaps a casual restaurant; do not go anywhere too extravagant that may make the evening uncomfortable for one party.
Dress Appropriately
If you are going to your local Italian restaurant then a sparkly dress and uncomfortable (but gorgeous) shoes may not be appropriate. Same with makeup up if you are going casual keep it light.
However, some effort should be made. Even on a casual date, I make sure I am wearing a pretty top and nice shoes with my jeans and a little makeup, only to be disappointed when my date turns up in an old woolly jumper and slip ons. To me it says 'I cannot be bothered'. Jeans and a nice shirt with a jacket would be great.
Conversation
Keep it light. Now is not the time to discuss you traumatic childhood, or your disastrous relationship history. Best not to get into heated debates over religion or politics either.
Be yourself, your well-behaved self that is. Do not lie about you hobbies and interests or pretend to be someone you are not.
Some people suggest making a list of conversation starters, personally, I don’t these work. I think it sounds fake after an awkward pause to suddenly say, “Describe your dream holiday”. If you have stuff in common, the conversation should flow. It is useful to find out their dreams and hobbies before you go out with them. Then at least you will have an idea of discussion topics that would be of interest to them.
Paying
Most guys I talk to like to pay on first dates, regardless of whether you asked them out or not. I made a big mistake one time when I insisted on paying half when the guy earned less. One of my male friends told me that was the wrong thing to do because it would make him feel bad.
Another mistake I made was to insist on paying for a guy I had been out with a few times. But the reason I did this is because he always paid, and I thought he may feel I was using him because he was very well off.
Although I have to say, one of the biggest turnoffs was when I went dutch with a guy who went through his pockets and pulled out all his coins to make sure he didn’t pay a cent more than he had to for the meal.
So I guess that girls need to make an effort to pay and guys need to be honest about whether they want us to pay.
This is the most awkward part of the date for me, because it is different for every guy and I have no idea whether I am doing the right thing or not.
Ending the date
End a date honestly. If you think there is no chemistry thank your date for a lovely evening and leave it at that. Guys please don’t say you will call if you have no intention of doing so.
I think if you felt a connection with someone a good night kiss is definitely on the cards.
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