bruce potterThe Work Spouse
January 30th 2009 09:45
Private jokes, confiding in each other, and bickering, sounds like any normal relationship, but what if this relationship is not with your partner, but with a workmate? Introducing the work spouse, a person of the opposite sex with whom you have a close relationship, that in many ways mimics a real life partnership. However, this relationship is purely plutonic.
According to a poll by CareerBuilder.com around 23% of people claim to have a work spouse. I know I definitely had one in a job I had about 8 years ago.
We did the same job, and we worked closely every day. It was a boring public service job and we spent the day amusing ourselves taking the piss out of everyone else and each other. When I used to take cigarette breaks (I don’t smoke any more so no comments please) he used to come with me. On my birthday, I brought an extra piece of cake in for him. We hung out at work functions, and we used to tell each other pretty much anything.
We also used to bicker a bit, a couple of times I told him I thought he was not pulling his weight and he wouldn’t talk to me for the rest of the afternoon. In fact, after one of those fights, I was off sick for a week and he was stressed that we had left things on bad terms.
Some people can be intimated by their partners work spouse, indeed 20% of those that claimed they had a work spouse in the poll, also claimed their partner felt jealous of the relationship. But in most cases a work spouse can be a good thing, as they provide each other with emotional support during times of stress.
However, it is understandable that partners are worried the relationship may cross the line. For me though, my work spouse was just that. He was my best mate during work hours but that was it, we never hung out or talked outside work hours. He made me laugh in one of the most boring jobs in the world. We were each other’s support and sounding boards, and someone that we could go to when we wanted to slag off everyone else. In our case, it never crossed the line and I think that is the important thing. He was in no way my cup of tea, and I am guessing I was in no way his. He was a lot younger than me, and he was madly in love and used to talk about his girlfriend all the time. Although even if he was single, we still would not have been interested in each other.
Some feel the work spouse can cause a number of problems and there are definitely times when you should back off, such as when:
1. The relationship turns flirtatious
2. You are behaving in a way toward your work spouse that you would not want your partner to see.
3. You find yourself thinking about your work spouse outside the office.
4. You start ringing each other for private chats outside work hours.
I know that in my case it really was just a case of office support, the relationship ended with the job (apart from on facebook of course).
It is easy to understand why partners may feel threatened by such a relationship, so I think that the most important thing is to put your partner and their feelings first.
Have you ever had a work spouse? What was the relationship like? Does your partner have a work spouse?
According to a poll by CareerBuilder.com around 23% of people claim to have a work spouse. I know I definitely had one in a job I had about 8 years ago.
We did the same job, and we worked closely every day. It was a boring public service job and we spent the day amusing ourselves taking the piss out of everyone else and each other. When I used to take cigarette breaks (I don’t smoke any more so no comments please) he used to come with me. On my birthday, I brought an extra piece of cake in for him. We hung out at work functions, and we used to tell each other pretty much anything.
We also used to bicker a bit, a couple of times I told him I thought he was not pulling his weight and he wouldn’t talk to me for the rest of the afternoon. In fact, after one of those fights, I was off sick for a week and he was stressed that we had left things on bad terms.
Some people can be intimated by their partners work spouse, indeed 20% of those that claimed they had a work spouse in the poll, also claimed their partner felt jealous of the relationship. But in most cases a work spouse can be a good thing, as they provide each other with emotional support during times of stress.
However, it is understandable that partners are worried the relationship may cross the line. For me though, my work spouse was just that. He was my best mate during work hours but that was it, we never hung out or talked outside work hours. He made me laugh in one of the most boring jobs in the world. We were each other’s support and sounding boards, and someone that we could go to when we wanted to slag off everyone else. In our case, it never crossed the line and I think that is the important thing. He was in no way my cup of tea, and I am guessing I was in no way his. He was a lot younger than me, and he was madly in love and used to talk about his girlfriend all the time. Although even if he was single, we still would not have been interested in each other.
Some feel the work spouse can cause a number of problems and there are definitely times when you should back off, such as when:
1. The relationship turns flirtatious
2. You are behaving in a way toward your work spouse that you would not want your partner to see.
3. You find yourself thinking about your work spouse outside the office.
4. You start ringing each other for private chats outside work hours.
I know that in my case it really was just a case of office support, the relationship ended with the job (apart from on facebook of course).
It is easy to understand why partners may feel threatened by such a relationship, so I think that the most important thing is to put your partner and their feelings first.
Have you ever had a work spouse? What was the relationship like? Does your partner have a work spouse?
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Comment by Lara M
Love Speaks
Food Slate
The *relationship* ended when he started to get attracted to me, and it was not reciprocated. In fact, he turned *nasty* and started pulling rank (when he got promoted). So, I guess it can be both a good thing and a bad one, I'd thread carefully the next time...!
Comment by Sara Dobson
My Turn
One of the pitfalls of any relationship. When it is good its great, but when it all turns bad it gets nasty. Just like any other relationship I suppose.